Mariëtte wonders: ‘Can you compare suffering?’

I was doing some reading on the internet and was touched by the story of a mother who lost her few months old son. A big nightmare, to make you quiet and reason enough to be happy once again that I have two healthy children. Which I do want to stick behind the wallpaper every now and then, but I realize very well what an infinite happiness it is to be able to get them out of it again and tickle them until they scream.

Compare suffering

Unfortunately, I also know people in my area who have lost their babies. We once talked about reactions and how sweet they can be, but also how rude. I had a miscarriage once too heard one of them, who had just buried her baby. Below the story on the internet was also a special reaction. Better at three months than at three years, that’s much worse. I don’t think I need to explain that I didn’t necessarily agree with this.

But it did lead me to the question: can you compare suffering? I had a miscarriage with my very first pregnancy and it was really bad. Of course, it was only eight weeks and it probably wasn’t in vain, but still. I was so looking forward to it, I could already see myself walking with a baby and I was so relieved that it had worked out nicely, that whole pregnancy. Until that ultrasound at the emergency clinic, the regretful looking doctor and my tears because I actually knew it myself since the blood loss had started.

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Feeling of emptiness

Now, two children later, I can look back on it soberly, especially because I was pregnant again quickly. That made up for a lot, but a miscarriage is just awful and the feeling of emptiness is great, as is the sadness. Still, I would never tell someone who just buried her baby that I’ve been through at least something this bad, or let them know that it could really be a bit worse. For the simple reason that it just isn’t the same, and besides, what good does that do anyone? Yet unfortunately you see this happen a lot and it only leads to misunderstanding and pain. So can you compare suffering? No. So let’s not do it anymore.

This column is in Kek Mama 06-2021.

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