‘Making new friends is still a thing’

Image: Getty Images

There was nothing wrong with the house and the city where they lived, but Francien kept dreaming of a country house with a large garden where they could keep chickens. And they found it. Now it’s just a matter of tearing the children away from their familiar environment.

There are some things you shouldn’t do too often in your life. One of them is moving. Especially if you live three provinces away. With children. The latter in particular is quite a stress factor. Of course, we do it ourselves. This shouldn’t happen to anyone at all. If we had continued to live in the corner house in that raked suburb in the middle of the Netherlands, everyone would have been fine with that.

To move house

In fact, that whole move was a problem for many people around us because of the distance. Anyway, we’ve been dreaming of more space for years. The few square meters of vegetable garden we had was nice, but could have been bigger. Preferably with a greenhouse, some fruit trees, a herb corner, and so on. And of course chickens. Plus a nice garden shed/guest house, a trampoline, swings and more. And oh yes, if at all possible close to a small rural village. In short: we had a nice wish list.

The house itself didn’t even fascinate us, we were mainly concerned with the outdoor space. On a good day we found a garden in Drenthe that met all our wishes. Coincidentally, there was also a beautiful house on it. We then yanked our children (with due preparation and the promise of a puppy, of course) from their familiar surroundings and off we went. How’s that? Especially exhausting. Did we find it exciting? mega. Is it spicy and intense? Twice yes. Is it what we hoped it would be? Wholeheartedly yes.

Also read – Expert tips: moving? This is how you prepare your child >

Fallen like a block

Before we went to view (read: at a trot through that quite large garden and a quick look in all areas, because the next viewers were already eager) we went to explore the village. With the choice of no fewer than four supermarkets, a drugstore and a Hema, I really liked this place. Also nearby are plenty of beautiful places, pieces of forest, bathing water and more fun.

Unanimously, hubby and I fell for the garden, which was not only full of weeds, but also potential. We also loved the house: an atmospheric 1950s house, complete with stained glass windows, en-suite doors, wooden floors, everything. We brooded over the best offer, were awake with nerves and were overjoyed when our offer was accepted. Our kids immediately fantasized about who could do the best tricks on the trampoline and what names the chickens would be given.

A new school

Only a new school, that was still a thing. If you asked our seven-year-old how she thought she was going to move, the answer was invariably: “Very nice, just a shame that I have to go to another school.” Whenever I heard that, I died a little bit inside. Because oh, the school they went to was so much fun. In the dead of night I lay brooding.

“How do you choose what’s best for your kids? †

Because how do you choose what is best for your children? Wouldn’t it be difficult for them to make new friends? What are we doing to them? During one of those ghost nights, I googled which schools we could choose from. Then I postponed it for at least three weeks to make an appointment. Fortunately, all four of us experienced a good click with one of the options and were able to tick this bump off with relief. Now everything would be all right.

In the weeks that followed, my daughter was regularly asked the same question: how she felt about moving. Only her answer had changed to: “Very nice, and I go to a nice school there too.” Every time I heard that, I did a happy dance in my mind with relief.

Get used to

In the meantime, we had been working through a countdown calendar between the buying and selling stress. The five-year-old had no idea of ​​the timeline. He could quietly wake up with random questions like: “Is today Sunday? Can I dress up for school? Are we moving today?”

On that calendar were all kinds of important things, including swimming lessons. Because yes, we had to get a swimming diploma at the last minute, especially now that we were also going to live on the water. It also stated when our little hearts would say goodbye at school. swallow. But before that, they had to get used to the new one for a day.

We left before the crack of dawn. Breakfast in the car (certainly good for ten minutes of pastime on the one and a half hour drive), Children for Children over the speakers, we made it a real outing. The girls were super enthusiastic and were looking forward to it. But when we had passed the border in Drenthe, it became quieter in the back seat and the knot in my stomach bigger and bigger…

The eldest stepped shyly but bravely into the classroom. The youngest was, if possible, even tougher and bumped a few meters ahead of me with firm strides. The teacher asked if I would like to walk inside.

Mother with a bleeding heart

I nodded politely as my mother’s heart screamed, “Yes, of course I want to walk in! I want to stay all day and hold her hand!” Like a soft-boiled egg and more nervous than the child himself, I entered the classroom. And suddenly the realization fell in my smallest girl. A new class. A new teacher. New kids. She came rushing towards me with wide eyes and clung to me like a monkey. Roaring that she wanted to join us again.

“I walked out of the school yard crying. Why were we doing this again?”

I was relieved when her father, a little more cold-blooded than me in situations like this, appeared in the doorway. He took her from me, I held myself tall, waved at my daughters laughing like a farmer with a toothache (or rather like a mother with a bleeding heart) and walked off the schoolyard crying. Why did we do this again?

At home it seemed like an eternity before we could pick them up again. Nervously I stood at the gate and then relieved to embrace two happy children in my arms. That school would be fine.

Find your way

And so it came. Now that we have moved, they make friends galore. There is little time to miss old friends. Usually only on the nights when they’re bonkers and just a little too late in bed and when the atmosphere is already set because of some I-don’t-want-to-bed drama. Not optimal timing if you ask me. Because wouldn’t it be better to sleep first? But of course I take it seriously, and on weekends we regularly drive back to the middle of the country for a play date here or a sleepover there. It’s all part of it. Just like getting used to it.

In the first weeks, one of the children had an angry mood more often. Or someone else suddenly shouted at 8.00 in the morning that she did not want to go to school. At the same time, I am amazed at the ease with which the children find their place in their new environment. The youngest has been walking into the schoolyard since that traumatic (for me at least) adjustment day as if she has been going here for years and even had a children’s party (with covered wagon and tractor to the farm). The oldest is already fully booked for all kinds of play dates in the coming days.

See which way the wind blows

I can’t deny that I’m a little jealous of this. I miss the people with whom I (by me) suddenly ended up in a long distance friendship. The lovely schoolyard parents who were so familiar to me. You have to invest in new contacts. This takes time, patience and energy: scarce resources in the aftermath of a move.

Moreover, as a native of Drenthe, I know that they like to keep an eye on things here, but it is appreciated when you take the initiative yourself. And so, as part of my integration process, I go with group 2 to the lambs if parents are needed to drive. Or do I ask other mothers if they want a drink when picking up/bringing a play date. The people I meet are very nice, all of them. But friendships have to grow and that often takes quite a while. Oh well, maybe I should give myself time to find my place in that too.

“Friendships have to grow and that often takes quite a while”

Until then, I’ll drink to the friends who make the effort to travel to us. Who also miss us, but understand it when we proudly show them around our new place. “This place really suits you”, we have often heard. One of my besties likes to come and stay here every now and then and I already saw another friend secretly looking at Funda during a barbecue in our garden. The first offers to look after our house when we go on holiday have already arrived.

Also read – Leona moved from Rotterdam to a village and back >

Resilient

Although it is quite intense, such a move and everything that comes with it, we do not regret a single day that we embarked on the adventure. The first yield from the vegetable garden has already been on our plate and there is still a lot to come.

We just have a little hurdle to overcome. Because chickens and a puppy, it all sounds very romantic, but our youngest is afraid of anything with four or more legs or wings. Who knows, maybe we’ll start with cute fluffy chicks.

“After playing, they have mud in their boots and moss in their hair”

It will be fine, the girls have already gone through a nice transformation. Where before we had to kick them out, here we have to rake them in at the end of the day. Then they come home with torn leggings, mud in their boots and moss in their hair. I love it (unless it is necessary to comb or if there is really no longer a whole legging to be found).

I really enjoy the blush on their cheeks when they have the appetite of a construction worker from the crackling outside play in the evening. Just like us, they love it here and I am very proud of them, they are doing a great job. This whole adventure just proves how resilient kids can be. All that worrying about what we were doing to them turned out to be unnecessary.

When we look out over the meadows in the evening with a glass of wine in hand, I feel happy. We did it. And our children too. I think we’ll stay.

This article can be found in Kek Mama 06-2022.

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