Joyce and her husband throw money: “Then I borrow money from my daughters piggy banks”

Joyce (40, freelance copywriter) lives with Stan and is mother of Sterre (10) and Nora (6)

“I read something about the Loedermoeder Election: if you take your children to school with messy hair and sit down to dinner in the evening while the living room is still strewn with toys, you already have a chance of winning. If that’s a motherfucker, then what the hell am I?

I have no idea what I’m raking in every month. Fifteen hundred euros? Two thousand? I also miss out on money: I still have to write invoices for at least four jobs, for example, but I don’t know how my client’s invoicing program works, so I put it off. And we’ve been missing out on childcare benefits for years because I don’t fill out the tax forms.

It is a coincidence that I can now name the exact balance in my account; the credit card company called to tell me exactly how much my debt is – and that I have to pay more. In the meantime, I borrow ten-dollar bills from my daughters’ piggy banks to pay for the window cleaner or to buy myself some mascara.

impulse buying

Not a day goes by that I don’t make an impulse purchase, even if it’s just something small. We have great coffee at my freelance office, but before I know it I’m back in line at Starbucks. I go out to get lunch for my colleagues and come back with a two hundred euro trench coat. And then tell my boyfriend that I got it as a gift from a friend because she didn’t fit it. Last week my youngest daughter was not allowed to participate in swimming lessons because an account was still open. Then, to pay off my guilt, I went to eat cakes with her at a patisserie where you could pay with a credit card.

The trouble is, my boyfriend is just as chaotic with money matters. And sometimes just as impulsive. The invoice from the Sterre athletics club should have been paid long ago, and then on a Monday evening Stan casually orders three hundred euros worth of clothing for the children. We drive an uninsured car, because we couldn’t pay the MOT. But then, who am I to say anything about that? We both live by the motto: if you get under the tram tomorrow, at least you had a nice day today. If we don’t feel like cooking, we go out for dinner. When our favorite band comes to the Netherlands, we immediately buy eight tickets for our friends. And then we forget to ask for that money back.

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‘I am ashamed’

We do have an and/or account, but we have never been able to deposit a fixed amount into it on a regular basis. Because Stan earns enough with his commercials to pay all fixed costs, we are getting away with it so far. But Stan doesn’t know that my credit card debt has now risen so high. In fact, we should be placed under guardianship.

I am ashamed of this immature behavior. I’m afraid our daughters will get into trouble later because we set such a bad example. That they will think that you can buy happiness with things. That’s why I went to talk to a psychologist. He thinks it’s because of my childhood. I was born in Peru and adopted when I was five months old. I had a nice, warm childhood in which I lacked for nothing. Not to love, not to material things. The fact that I never felt the need to look for my biological parents says it all.

on = on

Now I think I’ve always been very laconic about my rather unusual history. I don’t want to be known as a whiner. I can put things into perspective endlessly, laugh a lot and maybe even drink it away. When I was banned from drinking alcohol for a while because of medication, I noticed how much that bottle of wine is part of my daily life. How much I suppress vague, uncomfortable feelings with alcohol. And buying things. With the psychologist I learn to be more open about what is bothering me, to please less. That should also mean that I do not return from every supermarket visit with a new energy subscription or the umpteenth membership of a good cause.

Recently, after much deliberation, I confided in my best friend. We agreed that I would call her if I was about to make another useless purchase. That seems to help. I made a payment arrangement with the credit card company. Once my debt is paid off, I’ll cut the card. Stan and I have signed up for a budgeting program, and for the next three months, we’ll be living off a household potty together. When it’s gone, it’s gone, we agreed.”

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

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