Jacobien did not want maternity care: ‘A complete stranger over the floor every day? Horrible!’
No maternity help, no maternity visit, but just enjoying the new family with your partner (and children): Jacobien, mother of three, can recommend it to all expectant mothers. “Isn’t it unpleasant if you want to get used to each other in peace and freedom, when a complete stranger walks into your house every morning and keeps track of everything in a book?”, she tells Kek Mama. “Why the check? Why record everything?”
Insecure
Jacobien understands that there are women who do like to receive this support – for example if the delivery was difficult or you are unsure at the beginning, but she thinks that the choice not to take maternity care is still not stimulated enough. “Maternity help is not mandatory, but it is something typically Dutch. And don’t get me wrong: it is good to check whether a child is born in a safe family. But why do we want to hear from a complete stranger that we are not doing something right, when your feeling may say that that way works best for you and your child?
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For Jacobien, all those checks after her first two deliveries caused constant irritation. “It’s such a shame that I let myself be so overwhelmed by what ‘should’ and what ‘should’ according to this society. Since my third pregnancy I finally dare to set my limits.”
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‘Go by your feeling’
Setting boundaries and daring to follow your own feelings: that is what Jacobien wishes all (future) mothers. “I am shocked by the many reactions I receive from women who have lost confidence in themselves and want to have control over everything. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life—especially after my sister passed away—it’s that you can’t control anything. Just when you dare to let go, just when you rely completely on your feelings and have confidence in yourself, things fall into place. It gives a certain peace of mind by doing things by feeling and thus not forcing or forcing anything, not even by the maternity assistant. That certainly makes me a much nicer mother.”
Jacobien Schumacher is a documentary maker, photographer and influencer. She is engaged to Arjen Huffels and mother of Fleuri, Brunello and Barolo Dolce. After years of fantasizing, in a few weeks her big dream will come true: to settle down in Italy for good with the whole family. Want to see more of Jacobien? Follow her on Instagram.
