‘I’m softer than I thought’

Image: Mark Groeneveld

Being pregnant, giving birth, recovering, raising and also enjoying: it is actually top sport. Even for ex-football star Anouk Hoogendijk, mother of Sonny (2) and Jip (0).

“I’m going to grab the sling anyway,” says Anouk while, just as we sit down, she suddenly jumps up again. From another room in their new Utrecht house we hear a somewhat dissatisfied cry: eleven-week-old Jip does not agree with the intended sleeping plan, he just wants to be there.

The first ten weeks after giving birth were quite intense, says Anouk while she hangs Jip in the sack in one smooth movement – ​​her dexterity betrays some experience. “He suffered from cramps and aches. As soon as you put it down, the crying started. And because my other son also wanted attention, I was constantly running back and forth: just comforting Jip, then quickly playing with Sonny again. How do people do that with two children, I thought, and then also cook and eat? Since Jip arrived, one of us eats standing up, shaking the baby carrier.”

Short nights

Anouk and her friend Pieter were prepared for short nights, but they didn’t see Jip’s crying a lot, sometimes for hours on end. “We knew from stories that something like this could happen, but subconsciously you apparently still expect to have an ‘easy’ child. And that is clearly not in your control.”

The nights were okay, because one of the two occasionally slept in the guest room to refuel, she says. But during the day it was a different story, especially when Pieter went back to work after two weeks of leave. “It went fine on the days when Sonny went to daycare and Jip could lie on me all day, but when I had both of them at home at the same time, I found it quite difficult. Sonny is two and wants action.

“Even though I do my very best, I constantly feel like I’m failing someone”

Moreover, he found it difficult that he was not allowed on my lap, because Jip was already lying there. I understood that; I ‘knew’ Sonny for some time, while I didn’t understand Jip why he was crying or what he wanted. Then I gave in to Sonny, but at the end of the day I felt guilty again towards Jip. In short: even though I do my very best, I constantly feel that I am failing someone. I find that quite hard mentally.”

From one to two

Anouk therefore finds the transition from one to two children bigger than expected. “The first phase felt… like survival,” she says doubtfully. “I don’t like to admit that, because we obviously feel blessed with a healthy child, but it was tough. Fortunately, Pieter and I are a good team, we constantly said to each other: we have to get through this, then it will only get easier. And indeed it became that since we visited an osteopath. Yesterday we even had a breakthrough: for the first time Jip slept during dinner and we sat together at the table without a baby carrier. The enjoyment can now really begin.”

Top athlete

Anouk’s first work projects have now started again and Jip had his first day at daycare today; gradually more air enters the whole. While getting used to it, Anouk enjoyed herself in the gym under the guidance of a personal trainer. “I really want to feel fit again. For the past three years I was pregnant almost continuously, with two miscarriages between Sonny and Jip. I really had to give birth from that second miscarriage, I was even longer in the hospital than now with Jip, I had to recover considerably.”

Although Anouk was always a bit hesitant about getting pregnant, not knowing what it would do to her body, it came as an unpleasant surprise that it would be such an attack. “The first pregnancy I was very busy with staying fit, not gaining too much weight. A tough delivery and two miscarriages later, I had only one goal with Jip: to bring a healthy child into the world. I was also proud of myself for being able to let go of sports and the focus on my body. But now I long for a healthy and strong body again.”

“People think that a fit body comes to me… not good”

Anouk couldn’t wait to get started with a personal trainer, but is somewhat hindered by a pelvic prolapse and… time to go at all. “I find that frustrating, because I really want to pop. When I exercise I am happier and have more energy. It’s a certain feeling I haven’t had in a long time. But I also realize that my body now has to come from further than it did after Sonny. I can see it too: my body is different than I’m used to, especially weaker. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a bikini right now, especially with the expectations of the outside world thrown in; people often still see me as ‘that top athlete’ – even though I stopped five years ago. For example, they think that as a sportswoman I am fit by definition, that it comes naturally to me, but that is really not the case.”

Read also – Momshaming: ‘Where does this need to be nice and negative about someone else come from?’ >

To recover

Incidentally, Anouk now ignores such an opinion of others a lot more easily, she says. “My family is the most important thing, I better let go of everything else. So I also accept that I am not so fit anymore… to a certain extent. I don’t need a tight bikini body, but I do want to be able to play football without any problems, run after my children and go down the slide without pelvic pain. That is the new goal.”

“We thought it would stay with Sonny, that it worked out with Jip is really a gift”

‘Scoring’ a third time is therefore not on the agenda. “No, it’s fine. When I had Sonny, I thought: having a child is the best thing there is, I want to experience this much more often. But Pieter immediately said that he would also find two children enough, haha. Then things went wrong a few times and reconciled us with the thought that maybe it would stay with Sonny. That it still worked out with Jip is therefore really a gift. I feel everything that another pregnancy would not be good for my health. Maybe if I had been ten years younger, but now? No, my body is really worn out. From now on it will be nice to enjoy and build up again.”

fussy eater

And of course parenting, certainly not an easy branch of sport. Until now, Anouk is mainly surprised about her own mildness and patience. “If I have to get up four times during the night, I can do that: I always have energy for the children. By the way, I had expected to be a bit stricter, with clear rules and boundaries – perhaps from my experience as a soccer star with tight rules and schedules. But in practice I turn out to be very soft. Pieter and I are usually on the same page when it comes to parenting issues, but not always.