‘If only I had invested in my career’

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In hindsight, Jonna’s stopping work when the kids came was a bad idea. Because since her divorce, she finds it difficult to support herself.

Jonna (39), mother of twins Nina and Molly (11) and Storm (9):

“We are still in the process of settling our divorce, Frank and I. It’s getting pretty nasty. I fell in love with someone else, something I could never have predicted, but it happened and with a married man too.

Frank accidentally stumbled upon a rather hot app conversation that left nothing to be desired. Our marriage was already showing some cracks, but this finally shattered everything. Although I only shared the bed with the other person once, Frank immediately threw in the towel. He didn’t want to go on like this. I can kind of understand that. It was the push we needed to move on without each other. The little love that was left has evaporated rapidly in recent months. We do nothing but argue and the main stake is money.

Stop working

We were shocked twelve years ago when it turned out that I was pregnant with twins. A complete family in one go; that would turn our lives upside down. At the time I was working for a large clothing brand in the marketing department. I had done a fashion education and had hopped from job to job over the years through my internship. The work I did was challenging and fun. Doing my job in three days, which I wanted after giving birth, was out of the question, or so I was told.

Frank was promoted quite a bit during that period and would have to travel a lot. ‘Otherwise you just stop for a few years,’ he suggested. I immediately saw that. Enjoying the little ones and it saved a lot of puzzling with childcare on the days that Frank would be abroad.

My girlfriends couldn’t understand my ‘sitting at home’, to use their words. Like spending all day on the couch! I had a great time and it only got busier when we had another son two years later. Financially we lacked nothing and where I heard my surroundings grumbling about high childcare bills or hassle with (in-law) parents about regular babysitting days, I counted myself lucky that we could do it this way.

Bears on the road

I was supposed to go back to work as soon as the kids went to school, but that didn’t work out, partly because of Frank’s irregular working hours. We both didn’t like my going back to work. I saw all kinds of bears on the road and Frank found it especially easy that way.

“We both didn’t like my going back to work”

I became very active at the children’s school and taught yoga for a few hours on Thursday mornings and Friday evenings. Very occasionally I missed colleagues and it gnawed at me that I didn’t do anything with my education. But I rarely really stopped to think about it for long. I pushed it away, I think. Perhaps also because I knew it was not wise what I was doing. I had made myself almost entirely dependent on Frank’s income. “What if he ever leaves you,” a little voice in the back of my head would say. That I myself would explode the marriage was by no means a logical scenario. However, it did happen.

Read also – ‘I want a divorce, but I have no money’ >

Out of nowhere

Hugo sailed into my Insta-DM out of nowhere a little over a year ago. We had once lived across the street from each other and I had a soft spot for him as a teenager. We got talking and soon the atmosphere became sultry. I enjoyed the attention and the tension and when he suggested we meet sometime, I knew what was going to happen.

Very wrong, yes, and inexcusable, but I was head over heels in love – especially with that feeling I already had as a teenager. I ended up in bed with Hugo knowing he was married. It was about the sex, he didn’t say that in so many words, but I gathered that from the fact that he didn’t say much after that. My crush didn’t just disappear. And that’s when Frank stumbled across that hot conversation, which clearly showed that something was going on. He was fierce. Justifiably.

Parting

I lived for a few more weeks in the hope that things would work out between us. Then I seriously started looking for a house. I was shocked by the prices. You can’t rent anything under 1000 euros in our area. In the end I found an apartment for 1000 euros a month that felt right. Bare rent by the way; there will be about 200 euros in additional costs. I could only get that apartment if I paid the rent three months in advance and provided proof of income. Frank rented it for me for the time being, provided I applied.

I was floundering everywhere. I don’t have much to offer either. I have been out of work for years and at 39 I am not a cheap force. Each time I adjusted my requirements; I had absolutely nothing to demand. When I heard that a clothing store in our village was looking for a saleswoman, I threw a ball on it. I now work there three days a week and I am available on call for another day.

I was forced to put down most of the tasks at school. Giving my morning and evening yoga classes is sacred to me, I will continue to do so. With teaching and working as a saleswoman, I manage to rake in a total of 1900 euros, including allowances.

Sleeper

My apartment is small and noisy. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Frank and I are married in community of property, which entitles me to half of the house. He has to buy me out, but is obstructing me in every possible way. Despite his good salary, we have never built up a real savings account, so it is not a matter of tapping off for him. There is less than 800 euros in that account; that’s embarrassing.