‘How do I not let my miscarriages lead to my pregnancy?’

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Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. Every Tuesday a reader therefore tells about her dilemma.

Lilly (30) is married to Derek (33) and mother of Kick (4).

“After a brilliant pregnancy and a smooth delivery, I was already eager for a new pregnancy before Kick was a year old. Derek and I have both dreamed of a big family all our lives, and now that the first one was born, that wish only grew stronger.

Dream in tatters

Nature was kind to us and on our son’s first birthday, we kept our newest secret to ourselves; this day revolved around Kick. The early pregnancy failed after seven weeks. Sad, but no cause for concern. We dried our tears, let go of our desire to recover from our loss, and four months later I was pregnant again.

“Another miscarriage followed, I saw my dream of a large family increasingly shattered”

I was a bit hesitant when I went to the midwife for an ultrasound at seven weeks. Everything seemed beautiful when I lost blood at eleven weeks, and shortly after the fetus. Another miscarriage followed, I saw my dream of a large family increasingly shattered. I was very happy with Kick, I couldn’t take the pain of another miscarriage anymore. So I reported to Derek that I no longer dared a second child.

Also read – Julia kept her pregnancy a secret: ‘I was prepared for mourning, not for a baby’ >

The fifth time

Derek gleefully believed in a healthy pregnancy. And although we were careful, I got pregnant a fifth time. From the positive pregnancy test I could only cry. Of course I wanted another child, but mentally I was already bracing myself for the umpteenth loss.

“I panic at the slightest pain”

The pregnancy lasted, and I am now five months pregnant. The gynecologist keeps a close eye on me and no reason has been found for my miscarriages. “So I would enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible,” she says. But I can’t. I don’t dare to attach myself to my baby and I am concerned 24 hours a day about what could go wrong. I panic at the slightest pain. Not good for my child’s health, but I don’t get my feeling turned off. How do I stop letting my miscarriages control this pregnancy?”

More episodes of the dilemma? Every Tuesday there is a new story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous dilemmas here.