“He’s 3 years old and talking so late, are you sure your son doesn’t have autism?”

Those comments that really hit you. My twins are late talking: I already know that. They have just turned 3 years old and they do say some words, but it is not much.

Bodi says a little more than Daaf: he also makes small sentences, such as ‘this is my sock!’ Dave doesn’t do that yet. He says: ‘Mama look!’ or ‘Daddy at home?’, but that’s about it. The rest is unintelligible.

To care

And yes, of course I worry about that often enough. Of course it wakes me up. I am their mother after all. Of course all kinds of thoughts go through my head: am I doing something wrong in the upbringing? Is something wrong with them? Do they hear well? I’ve been working on it for over a year. Testing ears, we went to speech therapy. And then suddenly things get a bit better and I hear some new sounds and even some new recognizable words. And then it gets worse again and I mainly hear ‘Ko! Mom! Boo!’. Geminis are much more likely to talk later anyway, because they have their own secret language. But mine are worryingly late now. Another mother thinks she knows what’s going on at my house.

I get a message on Instagram from another mother I don’t know and have never seen in real life. ‘I think your son has autism! My son has that too and as a young child he was also late with talking and just like your son he also slept restlessly. Success with it!’. She probably means it sweetly, I get that. But it comes in anyway. I’m scared. Get a stomach ache. My Daaf, autistic? Not that bad, I love him unconditionally. But would that explain the late talk? It’s going to get in my head.

And I worry about that. Why do we think we know something about someone else’s children, when we’ve never seen those children? Why do we send each other these kinds of assumptions online, when we would never just say this in real life? I’ve never heard of Bodi and Daaf’s teachers about it. They see Daaf every week, they know him. No one in his immediate environment has ever thought or said it: he is a super social lad, laughs and plays and happily participates in everything. A normal child. He only babbles in his own twin language with his brother. I understand that the other mother might want to help me with her comment, but I don’t think you should make such assumptions about other people’s children. Even if you mean well, don’t put a label on a child that isn’t yours. Unsolicited Advice: We all know it as moms. But one comment hits me harder than the other, I notice. Because I’m the one who’s awake, while that woman has long since scrolled on Instagram.

Tessa Heinhuis (32) is online manager of KekMama and editor-in-chief of Mama Magazine. She lives with her husband Billy and their twins Bodi and Daaf (3) in Bussum.