“Even when I only lost, I continued to deposit money”
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Suddenly telling them you’re gambling on a birthday would cause at least some commotion. That’s why this mother keeps her lips tight.
Annika (29), together with Wout and mother of Liv (4) and June (3):
“A year ago I came home with complications after a breast reduction. My daughters went to daycare, my husband took over care and household tasks and I was not allowed to do anything other than hang out on the couch. I spent my days scrolling through Instagram and playing bingo and solitaire on my phone. Around that time there were also many online gambling commercials on TV. I like gambling myself, like going to the casino and Wout and I occasionally play poker with friends.
Online casinos
I decided to try out a few online casinos where you can play different games for real money. The providers lured me with ‘bet doublers’ and ‘guaranteed cashback’ and paid out quite a bit in the beginning. One of the first times I immediately won a fat bonus of three hundred euros. I got a euphoric feeling and it triggered me to bet more and more. But even when the big profits stopped and I only lost money, I continued to deposit.
I was very disappointed, but it didn’t stop me from playing. In fact, I even increased my daily
limits in the various online casinos. Previously I had set it at a maximum of twenty euros per day, now I made it fifty or even a hundred euros. I wanted to increase my chances of winning great prizes. Sometimes that worked, but more often I lost money.
Gambling daily
When I went off sick leave and didn’t have all day, I had those limits put back and I removed some really bad apps. But I still gamble every day. Usually in the evening when the children are in bed and Wout is studying or playing sports with his hockey team.
Wout knows nothing about this. He knows that I play games and also that I sometimes play online poker, but not to what extent and how much money I spend on it. We have a joint home and savings account, and we also each have our own private and savings account. My parents are wealthy and have always put money away for me and my sisters. When we went out the door, we got that savings under our own management.
“He has no idea of my online gambling addiction nor how much I have lost”
Wout thinks it’s fine that I have that savings account and keep it to myself. I use it to occasionally spoil myself or my girls with new clothes, for holidays and perks. But also to supplement my online gambling credits. He has no idea of that, nor how much I’ve lost by now. I think he really wouldn’t like that. It’s another thing if I bought a nice bag for it or expensive make-up; he grants me that. But he wouldn’t understand or appreciate this at all. Wout likes playing poker with friends, but that’s about fake chips and having fun.
Read also – Online gambling addiction: ‘I wasted at least 20,000 euros, I’m afraid’ >
Savings
There is now a hole of about 1700 euros in my savings account. A bizarrely high amount, for which I am deeply ashamed. It’s my own money, but I don’t think it’s fair to my family. My luck is that we are not doing badly financially, because we both work. I’m not gambling our household money or the mortgage. But I hate my sneaky behavior and of course it’s much better to save the money for the girls’ college costs than to convert it into credits.
Waiting for the jackpot
Honestly, I can’t stop. I’ll admit it: I’m just addicted. Just like someone else has with chocolate, alcohol or smoking, the feeling of winning makes me euphoric. From dancing bears, gold coins and bells and whistles. Now that it’s getting out of hand I should stop, but I want so badly to get back the money I gambled. I play certain games where you can pocket bonuses; if there is a certain combination, you win that main prize.
“Now that it’s getting out of hand I should stop, but I want so badly to win back the money I gambled”
So I’m still waiting for the jackpot of 500 euros. It must fall one of these days: if I have it, my loss will be a lot less. The problem is that I still have to invest in order to get that bonus and so it remains a negative spiral. Every time I say to myself, one more clap and then I’ll stop. Then it’s a good time to delete all game accounts and start Candy Crushing safely again.”
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