‘During a lovemaking in the dunes, we suddenly heard footsteps’

“Two big baby eyes looking at us strangely while we’re just getting started works like a huge libido killer, we’ve found. My friend Boris and I can both perform well, but not with ‘audience’. Then the fun is over. Our daughter Lot has been sleeping in our room since she was born. We both like that very much, but it prevents us from having undisturbed sex. Usually we slide all the way to the left side of the bed and first make a dam of piled up pillows and our duvet, so she can’t see anything.

After that it is a matter of making as little noise as possible. Sure, babies have no idea what mom and dad are doing and it’s only good for her that her parents are so crazy about each other, but it’s still a weird idea when she’s watching. Normally Lot is jealous when she sees Boris kissing me. Then she immediately beeps. As if she’s thinking: why do you forget to hug me?

wish for children

When I met Boris two years ago, I warned him that if we wanted children together, we had to hurry up and maybe get medical help. Even then it could just take four years. I spent years trying to get pregnant with my ex. I had seven miscarriages in a row. He blamed me. It could be a malfunctioning ovary. The unwanted childlessness created tension between us, causing us to grow apart and eventually break up.

Boris and I shared the same desire: he too had a strong desire to have children. His relationship had broken down because she didn’t really want children. After six months, we decided to take the plunge together. In October I took my last pill, the month after it was already hit. And when I stopped breastfeeding our daughter Lot after five months, I immediately became pregnant with number two spontaneously. Delicious in itself. We would like two children, close together. But for our sex life a small damper.

Two times a week

When we first got together, we were like rabbits. We did it every day, wherever. Not so strange that we were pregnant very quickly, haha. But now with our baby in the co-sleeper next to us, the frequency has plummeted to a maximum of twice a week. This is not only because we don’t want to wake her up and it is more difficult to be exuberant, also because of the night shifts of Boris, who works in care, the broken nights and my pregnancy fatigue.

Compared to friends of ours with a baby just two weeks younger, we have nothing to complain about. They don’t do it anymore, my girlfriend confessed recently. Her lust is gone. I don’t understand that. I remember asking the midwife right after the birth when I could have sex again. She recommended waiting at least six weeks. Way too long for us. After a month we were ready to refurbish. Exactly to the day we started again six weeks later. It was a joy to be able to make love again. And still. I didn’t have anything physically left from the birth and I still feel just as much as before.

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Forecast at a distance

Boris and I both take the initiative equally often. It depends on who is the most in the mood is. Usually our foreplay already starts at a distance. I send him horny texts when he’s at work. Or I call him when he’s on his way home and tell him how much I’m looking forward to him and what I’m wearing at the moment or what kind of toy I have in my hands.

There is a suitcase full in our bedroom. Actually, it was once intended as a treasure chest for the little one, but we took it for our collection of sex toys. It’s just visible in our bedroom. We want to teach our children that there are also things from mom and dad that you should not just touch.

Open about sex

At the same time, we don’t want to be secretive about sex. I used to be able to ask my mother everything. The story was told by friends that if mom and dad kiss each other in bed, a baby would come. My mother thought that was nonsense and explained everything honestly. Later I could just ask for the pill and answer all my questions. I want to have that same openness towards my children. Just like the message that sex, if desired by both parties, can be very nice. Often children only hear about the dangers, not the fun.

outdoor sex

Now with the baby in our bedroom, Boris and I are getting very inventive when it comes to other sex spots. Coincidentally, we did it on the couch yesterday. But we have also tried the stairs, table or in the kitchen. In the past we mainly looked for it outdoors. From the woods and the beach, to even secretly in the C&A fitting room or the changing room in the swimming pool; we found everything equally exciting. Outdoor sex still beckons, but with a baby in the Maxi-Cosi that is not convenient.

One of our best times in the great outdoors was during a dune walk. We saw an abandoned bunker and started kissing wildly. I was just sucking Boris when I heard footsteps. I quickly looked up and he pulled his pants back up. At that moment an elderly couple stepped into the bunker and chatted about the nice weather and the beautiful view. I nodded dutifully, did not dare to look at Boris, who was sitting with a bright red head and tight pants. The couple left after five minutes. We laughed a lot about it later, felt like two teenagers in love secretly experimenting.”

Would you also like to be interviewed for this column? Then you get a ‘fun package’ from EasyToys, including naughty toys, massage candle, lubricant and sex dice. Mail to kekmama.nl@dpgmediamagazines.nl.

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

More episodes from Mama about Sex? Every Sunday there is a story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous stories here.

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