Anne (40): ‘And suddenly I saw four hearts on the ultrasound’

Anne: “I was seven weeks pregnant and felt tired and nauseous. A colleague who was much further along in her pregnancy was happily walking around while I barely made it up the stairs in the house where I take care of the disabled. I felt a bit of a poser. This was much more intense than my first two pregnancies. I had the feeling that something was wrong, although I didn’t know in which direction to look. I slept badly and could barely eat. Alex was more level-headed than me. As long as I felt this way pregnant, I’d be fine, he thought. Anything but carefree, I got into the car with him, on my way to the hospital for the first ultrasound.

Four

As soon as the gynecologist put the ultrasound machine on my stomach, we heard everything. I thought I heard my own heartbeat, but Alex immediately realized that this sound must be coming from several hearts. We saw the gynecologist looking around in my stomach in horror. “How can this be?” I heard him say softly. He looked surprised and shocked at the same time. ‘I see three, I think. Or…’ As he continued with the echo, I heard myself joking, ‘You’re not going to tell me there’s four, are you.’ I saw the gynecologist nod yes. Alex and I couldn’t help ourselves. We laughed a little sheepishly. The gynecologist was dead serious and wondered aloud what could have happened here. I had taken hormones to make my eggs mature. Controls showed only one mature egg at a time.

The doctor immediately referred us to a colleague who specialized in special pregnancies, an assistant crammed us half an hour later between appointments at his office. In the waiting room I could only think practically: we have to sell our house. We have to look for a big and cheap house where we can live with six children. We need another car. Can I continue to work? Slowly my nervous giggles turned into sheer panic.

‘We’re not going to do this’

A little quietly we shuffled inside the specialist. “We’re not going to do this,” was the first thing he said. I was stunned. He talked about the risks associated with the pregnancy of quadruplets, for both the mother and the children. It was clear to him that we would reduce embryos. The question was: how much and when? Alex and I were confused and immediately said we wouldn’t just let kids be taken away. That we needed more information. Again we were referred, this time to another hospital.

We walked out of the hospital in arms. I was completely off the map by now. Crying, we drove home, where our oldest daughters were waiting for us. What should we tell them? We knew right away that we wanted to be honest. This had such an impact on us, we couldn’t take it lightly. We told them that there were four babies in my belly, but we didn’t know yet whether all four would live. The girls nodded and continued playing.

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Exhausted

The weeks that followed were dominated by the reduction. That was already planned, although the hospital took into account that we would cancel the appointment. I was just crying and sleeping and walking around with a zipp bag as standard. If I had taken the oldest two to their class, I would have been throwing up in a corner of the schoolyard. At work I dozed off behind the computer, I was so tired. At eight weeks I just told them what was going on. Nobody believed me, nobody congratulated me. My manager immediately realized that this could no longer be the case and called in sick. So I was at home – I hadn’t thought of that either. When I had taken Ymre and Meike to school, I immediately went back to bed at home and had to set the alarm clock to be able to pick them up on time.

Risk

The risks of my pregnancy were not tender. The chance that the babies would be born prematurely was high. I didn’t think about the risks to myself – high blood pressure, high risk of HELLP syndrome (a serious form of preeclampsia) – I was only concerned with the children in my stomach. Alex was actually worried about me. We were sad, but also realistic. The nuchal translucency measurement showed that all four babies were healthy. And we’d kill one or two of those while they were in my belly? A heartbreaking idea. We just couldn’t live with that. Moreover, after the reduction, there was still a chance of preterm birth of the other children. We talked about it not only together, but also with friends and family. Most could imagine it with us, a family with six children.

The oldest

We were also concerned about our eldest two children. Aren’t we doing them a disservice if we add four children? A conversation with the social worker of the hospital was decisive. She reacted soberly: you row with the oars you have. Those sisters really do develop, she emphasized. We were going to keep them, all of them. When that choice was made, I felt so relieved.

Stick together

Still, in the weeks that followed, I sometimes woke up with a start. How are we going to do this? Can our relationship handle this? We laughed and said to each other that we should make sure we stay together. We can be very funny about that, but of course there is a grain of truth in it. Co-parenting with six children is really not an option. Fortunately, things are going well.

The quadruplets were born prematurely, at 27 weeks. After three exciting months in the hospital, they were allowed to go home. At the lowest point there were two in Utrecht, two in Deventer and the two oldest were at home in Bathmen. I still get sad when I think about that week, I felt torn. The first year was a matter of survival. Then the real parenting started, and I think that might be harder. If I put one in the corner, the other three are screaming.

But I think we’re on the right track with our six girls. Alex and I both work and since the quadruplets are in school, I have even started working out again. In retrospect I would have liked to have reacted a bit more sharply the day we heard that it was quadruplets and the doctor said firmly that ‘we weren’t going to do that’. Well, so yes.”

You can find more about the life of Anne, Alex and their children on Facebook and Instagram.

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

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