A year of mourning: “What would it be like if he had grown older with us?”
Tabitha (44) lives with her sons Teun (7) and Willem (3) in Haarlem. Her husband was diagnosed a year ago: an untreatable brain tumor. A month later he passed away. How do you move on as a family after such a sudden loss? In these columns you get an insight into moments they experience. The first year without dad.
Missing is so abstract sometimes. Time flies, but sometimes it feels like yesterday that Frank was with us. That I woke up next to him and that he sat on my lap with the boys and we did fun things together. Every day I get updates on my phone with pictures of moments that I now cherish so much. A time that is no more and will never come again, but sometimes feels so close. We each try in our own way to hold on to the memories of Frank and Teun does that mainly in numbers.
Read also – ‘Papa Dragon is not getting better’
At one point he found out that daddy has become the same age as our ages
that moment together; 43+6+2= 51. He also often drew gravestones with
a date of birth and death. Once when we were with the children’s coach, who specializes in
aftercare for cancer, Teun suddenly said that the war in the Ukraine at that time lasted as long as
dad has been ill; six weeks. Well, you’re right, I think. As tall as daddy, 1.89m,
is now a goal for the boys. They are quite competitive, but they can overtake me first. That won’t last long with my 1.59m, I’m afraid.
In the evening at dinner it was again about numbers. Teun is currently very busy with the age that
Frank would have had now and what it would look like now. It’s very hard for me to think about that
think. In my head I see him as he was. But by now he would be 52 years old and go in April
we are ‘celebrating’ his 53rd birthday. Would he be grayer and more wrinkled now? What would it be like if he and
us getting older?
“Would he be grayer and more wrinkled now?”
My eldest’s questions are sometimes confrontational; to him, the numbers are small pickets
his head. A clothesline to hang all the memories on. But sometimes his questions are too
reason for an unexpected party, like on February 9 when Teun found out that Frank and I
met on that day. Go, the three of us to McDonald’s to celebrate love!
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