‘A threesome with another woman has been high on my wish list for a while’

“A threesome with another woman has been high on my wish list for a while as a bi woman. My husband Martin also liked it and we often fantasized about it in bed together, but I didn’t dare take any real action. Afraid that I might become very jealous if I saw my husband making love to someone else. And unsure: wouldn’t my husband find such another lady much better in bed? Or find her prettier and sexier and eventually even fall in love with her?

It felt double, because I myself also thought it would be nice to love a woman’s body. Since I started dating Martin, my daughter’s father eight years ago, I had never done anything sexual with a woman. I am faithful in relationships, I also find sex with a woman cheating.

Inventive

Besides, there was no need. Martin and I have a very good and satisfying sex life. Apart from a lesser period just after the birth of our daughter, we have sex regularly. At least twice a week. Martin is usually the one who starts kissing or massaging when the kids are in bed or staying with grandparents on weekends. I am the most inventive. Ranging from sexting, using toys and light bdsm with handcuffs, blindfolds and binding, to mandatory abstinence for a week. We tried that recently. We were obliged to challenge, tease, stimulate and massage each other every evening, but were not allowed to do anything. When we were allowed to go wild after a week, the pieces flew off.

I also made a kind of dare or truth sex game myself with assignments and questions that I wrote on pieces of paper and put in a glass bowl. Nice to light candles on a Saturday evening, add wine and then take turns to grab in that bowl. One time you’ll find a question with ‘what’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done with me?’ and you’re talking all the time. But it can also be assignments such as ‘massage your partner’s neck for five minutes’, ‘give the other person a French kiss’ or ‘secretly take an exciting picture of yourself’, where we run into the hallway and text that picture to the other person.

This kind of craziness keeps it nice in bed. Something that is important in a busy family with an ever-present adolescent and preschooler. I also notice that if Martin and I don’t make love for a few days and just hang out in front of the TV in the evening, we quickly pass each other and minor irritations arise. When we have made love, I automatically feel the connection again. But intimacy is about more than just sex. That also means sitting close together on the couch, walking hand in hand, kissing or cuddling and giving each other full attention.

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Trio fantasy

Before Martin, I shared the bed with my best friend Doutzen a few times. That was always very nice, but the moment I started dating Martin, we stopped the ‘lesbian love’. There has always been some tension between us, but now we stuck to other fun activities: shopping together, drinking coffee, chatting. Doutzen is now also having an affair with a man. Only their relationship is more open. Because she lives quite far away, she regularly comes to stay here for a weekend, sometimes with her boyfriend. The kids love it too.

She once laughed, when she heard about our threesome fantasy that she’d be up for a menage a trois with us. I had stopped that. As appealing as the idea is, the fear of getting really jealous or jeopardizing a good friendship should something go wrong held me back.

Until half a year ago. Doutzen, Martin and I were hanging out on the couch with a drink and suddenly I said, ‘Okay, if you two would kiss in front of me. Then I can see the effect that has on me. If it’s envy or I don’t draw the picture, then we stop. If it stimulates me, we can still switch to a threesome.’ It turned out to be a fantastic test. Because when I saw my best friend and my husband deeply entwined together, I only wanted one thing: join in! It didn’t feel weird or threatening at all.

Trust

Doutzen also emphasized that I really didn’t have to worry. She thinks Martin is a really nice guy, but no more than that. She had no intention of taking him away from me. This was just an exciting perk. The fact that we are so good friends with her, I think, saves half that trust.

I sometimes read that women would only want a threesome with a stranger who immediately leaves afterwards, but I don’t like that idea. Doutzen already knew my body, knew us as a couple and we could also be honest with each other. For example, I made a condition that she and Martin – to put it bluntly – did not fuck. Everything was allowed, except penetration. And they stuck to that.

It was all very nice and relaxed. I don’t regret it and I think Martin and Doutzen say the same. Her boyfriend knows about it by the way and was okay with it. No, something with four or partner exchange is not in it. Martin doesn’t like that and I don’t know if I want that either. This was just beautiful and pleasant. If it happens again spontaneously with Doutzen, then it’s good, if not, we just cherish our special friendship.”

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