‘Swinging has given our marriage a huge boost’

Anniek (35), married to Leslie (34), mother of a son (8) and daughter (4).

“Three years ago my husband and I started swinging as an impulse for our relationship, which at the time had kind of been sidetracked. Leslie and I struggled to find each other. We shared the care of the children and the household, but each walked a different path. With the low point of Leslie’s infatuation; he developed feelings for his colleague.

During a drink from work, he confessed to her how much he liked her and it turned out to be mutual. Then he hooked up with her for a few weeks. They didn’t have sex, but did kiss and talk about a possible future. When he came to his senses, he realized what he had risked: a happy marriage and a good life with two children. The fling was over, the tension over, he wanted to get on with me again. But he couldn’t live with a secret and confessed to me (just before Christmas, for God’s sake) ‘the affair’.

Revenge

What followed were horrific weeks. I walked around whining, getting angry, reproaching him and feeling discarded. Leslie went through the dust. He cringed when I called him filthy and accepted all my whims; if only I would forgive him. I was really his one. In bed I gave him penis punishment for weeks. After that, I wanted nothing more than to take revenge. Making him feel the pain I had to go through almost every day. I suggested to him a visit to a swingers club, with the aim of hitting on a man with whom I would have sex right in front of him. I’ve been fantasizing about it for weeks. Leslie was fine with it, as long as it would make me happy again.

Swingers Club

In the end, it didn’t come to that the first time. We did go to the swingers club where I was amazed, lusted after other men and made enough stinging remarks about how horny those nice bodies made me. But we haven’t done anything. Threatening it seemed to give me enough satisfaction. That visit was the prelude to the life we ​​now lead, as swingers. It opened our eyes.

After that evening we started talking about other forms of relationships and boundaries. We came to the conclusion that we both needed more excitement and sexual freedom. We had been married for ten years at the time, wanted to grow old together, but also have sex with someone else. We wanted to discover together what was possible in the field of occasional partner exchange. We started carefully with soft swinging (sexing alone, in a club, with others as spectators around us), then to softswap (kissing and eating pussy, no penetration) and later full swap (the whole shebang) with nice couples who we met at the club.

We now look for adventure in a swingers club once every two months. Usually on Saturday evening, so that we can easily take the children to Grandma’s. The whole anticipation is already crazy. We buy a new lingerie set in advance, the obligatory dress code. I’m going to the hairdresser, make sure I’ve got my hair completely removed and my nails pedicured. Like I’m actually going on a date.

‘Drink into a glass of wine’

Whether we have sex with others depends on the evening – whether there are nice couples or not. Our rule is: we only do it if we both agree with the chosen partners. Sometimes there is a click between Leslie and a woman, but not between me and the man. Then the party doesn’t go on. We have our own code word for that. “Honey, I’m hungry for a glass of wine” is enough to signal that it’s a no-go. Or we do it with the three of us: I’m not averse to a threesome with a woman.

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swinging

As contradictory as it may sound, swinging has given our marriage a huge boost. After a night of clubbing we are madly in love again and we can live on our experiences for weeks. We love to use those memories during our own lovemaking.

Swinging is taboo. It has a bad name, many people see it as a soft excuse for cheating. But we find it very respectful and loving. It has nothing to do with infidelity. We call ourselves extremely monogamous. Although Les and I exchange partners for an evening, they don’t just swap each other. I only have sex in clubs or on so-called swingers nights with other men and in front of Leslie. Sometimes we are in the same room, sometimes separately, but always within earshot of each other.

We don’t do anything secretly. Only when you lie do you cheat in my eyes. Neither of us have that need, because we give each other the freedom to experience sex with others. We are also purely about sex. That’s why we almost never have sex with the same couples, to avoid the risk of falling in love. Les and I allow each other the pleasure. We just see it as a fun night out with something extra.”

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

More episodes from Mama about Sex? Every Sunday there is a story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous stories here.

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