‘Since the arrival of our youngest child, it is much easier to spend money’

Arletta (39, self-employed), has a relationship with Rob and is the mother of Emilie (7) and Eva (2).

“From my father I learned that it is important to always keep some money on hand and save what you can. My mother grew up in a family with nine children, where they were not wealthy. She is extremely price conscious, even when she didn’t have to. That is a lot less for me, but I am also aware of money.

For example, when I was little, I took my hamster’s cubs to the pet store to make money. And as long as I lived at home – until I was 26 – I saved up everything I earned from my full-time job as an executive secretary. Later I had my own massage parlor and became a personal trainer in a gym. In the end I put aside 27,000 euros, of which I bought a lot. I had a bungalow built on it, just like the house in which I grew up. It was delivered as hull, but because my father worked in construction, he was able to fully enjoy it. That way I could make a mortgage-free start.

Eva

Yet my view on money, actually my view on life anyway, has changed quite a bit in recent years. This is mainly due to the arrival of our youngest, Eva. After her birth we saw that she had a slightly crooked head, but we were told that this would improve. This sense of relief disappeared instantly when the pediatrician diagnosed us with craniosynosthosis – a premature closure of one or more skull seams.

We entered a medical mill of research and uncertainty. The doctors could not tell us how Eve would develop. The only thing that was certain was that she had major skull surgery when she was ten months old. They would reconstruct her skull so that her face became symmetrical again and her brain had room to grow.

I felt empty, lonely and misunderstood, exhausted from all the tears and sorrow. All those questions in my head: ‘Why did this happen to us?’, ‘What’s going to make her feel like this?’, ‘Did I do something wrong?’, ‘Will she ever look normal?’ And so it went on and on. Sleepless nights because of the bottles and worry and a body full of stress. I was on automatic pilot for ten months, after the operation the real blow came and I started processing.

‘Now is the time for me’

Eva is now developing fantastically, but the realization that having a healthy child is not a matter of course, has hit my boyfriend and me enormously. When everything was quiet at home, I said, “Now is the time for me.” In other words, I wanted to work on myself. I started doing that with a coach. I have now regained control of my life and jump out of bed full of energy almost every day.

I quit my massage parlor and started doing something that makes me really happy: I help other mothers who, like me, have not ended up on a pink cloud after giving birth. I help them to enjoy themselves again instead of survive.

Also read
‘Really nice things don’t cost money’>

Self-sufficient house

Rob works in real estate on a project basis and earns an average of 20,000 euros per month. But the events with Eve made him devote himself to orphans in Kenya. Where we could hold our daughters hand during difficult hospital visits, there are so many orphans in Kenya who have no one at all. Rob is setting up an agricultural project to build the first orphanage that is self-sufficient. No donations are required, as he is financing this project himself – an investment of a few tons. At the same time, the local economy is given a huge boost and dozens of jobs are created.

New view of money

All of this made us spend money more easily, a real change in my mindset. I used to think things were expensive and I thought in terms of scarcity. Now I think in abundance. This is how we first think: does it make us happy to do this? That is in small things such as going out for dinner or getting sushi. In the weekends we love to take the family for a walk in the woods. Then we conclude with coffee or lunch in a cafe. That costs about 75 euros.

We certainly do not save on holidays either; we want to give our children the best memories possible. Last summer we went to a beautiful resort in Turkey that cost about 3000 euros for a week. And we often went out in the summer with our sloop, which is located in a beautiful harbor nearby. Rob and I went together for another week to Bali, where we spent 2500 euros on. And a few days to Ibiza for about 2500 euros. We believe: life is too short, you have to get everything out of it. We both work hard for it and can add approximately the generous salary of 22,000 euros per month.

In addition, a lot of our money goes into flight tickets to Kenya for Rob. And we have both spent perhaps as much as 40,000 euros in recent years on seminars and courses in the field of personal development that I can put to good use in my practice.

My business is now running smoothly. I work during the hours that Eva is with my mother, mother-in-law or at the playgroup. Far from full-time, but I especially want to enjoy it while Eva is still at home. When she goes to school later, that will increase.

“Does it make me happy?”

I don’t often check my bank statement, I don’t know what my current balance is. I just know that I can actually do anything I want. That’s not to say I spend it recklessly. For example, I think expensive designer clothes for the children are a real shame, they grow out of it in no time. And when I throw a party, I always call my mom first. She knows exactly what is on offer and where, because she still picks out all the advertising brochures every week.

On the other hand, I mainly have that rule of whether it makes me happy. That was also my thought with the skirt of Nikkie Plessen that I recently bought for 130 euros. I used to think: yes bye! Now I think: what do I care. I have to smile every time I put it on. ”

This article has previously appeared in Kek Mama.

More Kek Mama? In our discount shop you will find the best products with a discount.