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Wilfred has a sexless marriage: ‘I quite regularly with someone else’

Wilfred (45): “Eva is cheerful, exuberant, sweet and a tigress in bed. She is the one I app when under enormous stress and who always knows how to discharge me. With her I have exciting escapades, such as swingers club outings and swing evenings. And Eva is the reason my wife Hellen and I are still together after nineteen years.

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Sexless

Nine years ago, Hellen announced that she no longer wanted sex. She’d been on a yoga retreat, discovered herself, and figured she was asexual. Now that our youngest was six months old and our family complete, her task was done; she had given birth to three children, sex was no longer necessary. Now it had never been her hobby, while I actually like it. For years our needs were skewed, I begged for more sex. Now she decided: I quit.

Hellen was real. Said she would understand if I wanted a divorce because she knew how important sex is to me. But I didn’t want or want a divorce. Hellen is more to me than the woman I make love with: a wonderful life partner, great mother and business partner. To be honest, at first I thought she would catch up. We often had less periods in the bedroom. After several months of long nightgowns and frigid rejections in bed, it dawned on me that she was serious.

Alternative

Hellen also immediately offered an alternative: she thought it was okay if I had a girlfriend every now and then, provided I approached it discreetly. Above all, she didn’t need to know all the ins and outs. Nor was I supposed to bring my girlfriend to parties or clap our family about my nighttime adventures. Confidentiality and discretion were the conditions on which I was allowed to do my thing.

Top team

In the first few years, I didn’t do much except for a single one-night stand. I continued to find it strange, this license to cheat. At the same time, I thought I was too young for a celibate life and I didn’t want to just masturbate to shadowy porn movies. I almost broke apart if I was dry for too long, yet I felt inhibited with women. Terrified of falling in love with someone else. Hellen and I have a great time together. We run an insurance company together, we really are a top team when it comes to the children and we enjoy the good things in life: sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, winter sports, city trips, eating out with friends and family. Except for sex, we have a perfect relationship.

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Eva

To reduce the risk of hassle, I joined a special cheater site where bonded women volunteer for sex dates. Ideal, because you share a common interest. Yet Eva (38), my third permanent mistress, is only the first with whom everything is right. Previous girlfriends were in bad marriages and were looking for a kind of escape to be able to continue with a new man without much damage. But I am not a safety net. I’m a boyfriend, a toyboy any way you want. I spoil you both in and out of the bedroom, but I stay with my wife.

The same applies to Eve. She is also very happily married and, like me, has a young family. As a result of an illness her husband can no longer achieve anything sexually. She has also received a kind of free parking card. Easy, because it means we both never have to lie to our partners.

An evening together

About twice a month I spend an evening with Eva. Sometimes in a swingers club, occasionally at a swingers party, but usually in a hotel. Although we never sleep there. We find that disrespectful to our partners. We eat a bite, book a room and make ourselves comfortable with candles, wine and oil, and return home before midnight. Hellen knows when I’m on a date with Eva, but she never asks. The only agreement we have is that I will take a shower as soon as I get home. Hellen doesn’t like it when I smell like another woman. Even if I have already showered at the hotel, I still take it at home. I always make sure that I crawl into bed next to Hellen completely clean. ”

This article is part of an interview series in Kek Mama 02-2020.

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