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‘When people stare at my disabled child, it feels like an insult’

Five years ago, Lauren was told her son has a brain tumor. As a result, he cannot speak and is in a wheelchair. “His face is partly slumped and he has a blank look in his eyes,” she says. “That, along with the fact that he’s confined to a wheelchair, makes people stare at him. And I know they usually do so with good intentions—out of curiosity, or concern. But sometimes the staring gets weird.’

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Uncomfortable

She explains a situation where a twelve-year-old girl recently stared at her son. ‘And then she said, ‘I like people with disabilities.’ Although I know she meant well and just said something clumsy, it sounded very off-putting. Insulting, almost. I nodded awkwardly, said “Um, thanks?” and thought of a friend of mine. She has a daughter with serious medical complications and said some people feel more comfortable saying hello to her dog than to her daughter.’

Lauren tells her story on her blog to vent her heart, but also to let people know what they can do when they meet her son. “Just smile and say hello, or wave. If you’re curious about what’s going on with him, ask me – you’ll see for yourself if I’m open to it or not. When I have time, I explain with love what the situation is.’

Compliment

She also asks people to think about what they are saying. “And how you say it,” she adds. “Remember that you are talking to and about a person. Give a compliment, say something nice. Say he looks cute or whatever. Not about the handicap.’ And finally, stop staring, she says. “If you do that and I catch you doing it, I’ll make a bad joke and we’ll all regret it.”

Also read:
15x you really shouldn’t say this to a mother with a disabled child >

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