“We don’t want to raise our children like that, do we?”
Patricia van Liemt is a radio presenter, writer and mother of Maria (13) and Phaedra (10). Every Friday she writes striking, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.
“With or without Ritalin, but my child is going to the Atheneum!” I will never forget the day I heard a mother say that statement.
‘Ritalin is a medicine that a child with ADHD receives, isn’t it?’ I ask a friend a little later. My eldest daughter has just entered group 3, so Cito tests and other performance jobs are still a far-from-my-bed show at that time. I am no longer naive and I know better: it starts early…
Stamp
Children today are put in a box way too quickly if you ask me. In group 3 there are already so-called Sun and Moon children, where one group gets slightly more and more difficult tasks than the other group. And if you think that such a principle passes a six-year-old, then you are wrong. My daughter knows very well that her best friend is a ‘Moon Child’ and that he is slightly smarter than her. At least, according to our very old-fashioned school system.
BAM. Stamp. He’s smarter than me. And then you’re only fucking 6 years old. And it is not the case that these are extreme cases such as gifted children, but just kids who can read just a little faster and master math just a little easier. That does not mean that they will come out better later on. But psychologically it’s a huge one fixed mindset.
A fixed mindset is the opposite of one growth mindset. Children with one fixed mindset see their intelligence and abilities as fixed, and children with a growth mindset see that they can learn. If certain classmates are ‘smarter’ according to the system, because that’s how children interpret it, you lay the first stone for a fixed mindset. Which is a shame and bad for self-confidence and in my opinion completely wrong.
Subclasses
A friend lives in our capital with her children where, in a certain part of the city, the majority of the parents are either lawyers or doctors or pilots. In recent years, the number of ‘smart’ children in her daughter’s class has grown exponentially. They are now in a subclass with a prestigious title: the Plato class. Say good day. Booth alarm!
On a summer day, the Plato group was apparently so far ahead that they were allowed to go to a zoo that afternoon while the rest of the class had to buffalo on. My friend’s daughter came home upset: she had received havo/vwo advice. Which is of course insanely good, but she was still disappointed.
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Dent your self-confidence
This is not the way we want to raise our children, is it? Isn’t it important that our children can develop their talents and feel good about it? Just like the terms high and low education: you are actually saying to a student who goes to pre-vocational secondary education that he is not good enough for higher education. Hoppa: dent in your self-confidence.
The system focuses on cognitive skills, but isn’t it about discovering what suits the child? Shouldn’t learning be meaningful? When a child is learning for an exam, the only thing meaningful is the grade. But if it’s up to me, we’ll stop these tests. Every child and every situation is different and the current school system divides you into boxes at a very young age. In my opinion, this early selection only reinforces the differences, and not the natural interests of a child.
‘Mom!’ my youngest exclaims when she comes home.
‘Yes dear, tell me..’
‘I have become a Moonchild!’
“How nice,” I respond. What else should I say?
Goddamn. I’m in the middle of it. Caught in a moment of relief, but better know…
More columns from Patricia? Every Friday there will be a new column on KekMama.nl. Read the previous columns here.
