‘This is the only solution for the pigsty my children live in’

“Glasses in their room, socks on the floor, football boots blocking their door… the list of things my kids leave around is endless. And it bothers me very much, ‘says Gloria. ‘I remind them about the chores they have to do fifteen times a day. From cleaning the bathroom to putting in the dishwasher – as well as making their room tidy. ‘

White noise

All that effort turns out to be in vain, she says. ‘Whatever I do to get them to do it, they won’t do it in the end. We have a plate in the kitchen with daily chores, there are consequences if they don’t do those things, and so on. But it doesn’t help. Meanwhile, I’m still whining all day and chasing their ass. And I hate that. ‘

It’s not just the nagging that she’s done with, Gloria continues. ‘It is also the feeling that I am screwing up. Why can’t my kids listen? Am I like white noise? Don’t they respect me? ‘

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She has started investigating what exactly goes wrong. “And according to a psychologist, it’s about the age of my children,” she says. They are teens – and the primary, psychological function of teens is to find out who they are and do the work of becoming that person. That could be someone who is neat and likes a clean room, or not at all. By whining as a parent, you are actually saying that you know better and that your child is not okay. ‘

Take a deep breath

Gloria doesn’t intend to make the kitchen and bathroom a mess. ‘But I do realize I have to adjust my expectations for their bedrooms. Maybe I just have to accept that their rooms are going to be a war zone with dirty clothes, half-finished schoolwork and more shit. The idea alone doesn’t make me feel good, but experts say it’s better for all of us if I just take a deep breath and close the door. ‘