The 22 most vehement momshaming comments from the survey

Image: Nine IJff

Jannine Berkelaar is editor-in-chief of Kek Mama. Together with her husband Erik, she has daughter Elin (10) and son Mats (8).

Impact

As I read it, I wonder if the sender realizes the impact of the comment that so easily rolls off the lips or flies off the keyboard. Below you will find a selection of the painful things I saw.

Please let’s be more tolerant of each other. As soon as an angry or hurtful comment to a mother forms in your head, either close your lips tightly or immediately remove your hands from the keyboard. Until you think something nice. And then you say/type that. It can be that easy.

Also read – Jannine: ‘Give me a compliment. I promise you: something magical will happen’ >

Mom shaming comments

• “Aren’t you too old to become a mother now? Soon you will die early, the children will no longer have a mother.”
• “Your daughter is calmer with your husband, he will probably do better with her.”
• “Just watch out that she won’t call the teachers at the shelter mommy soon.”

“Stop breastfeeding. It’s not good for you and the baby”

• “Why don’t you stop breastfeeding. It is so beautiful!”
• “Stop breastfeeding. It’s not good for you and the baby.”
• “Are you still breastfeeding now!? No wonder she wakes up so often at night, so you maintain that yourself.”

“You and a child?! That won’t work out”

• “You and a child?! That is not good.”
• “How stupid to have two children in a row so quickly.”
• “You shouldn’t show off so much with those fresh snacks, they also grow big from jars.” Sure, but fresh feels better to me, I can know that myself, right?
• “Do you still work 4 days? Real? Ah dude… they are only 1x that small, aren’t they?”
• “You are going to have a very hard time with this upbringing.”

“If you are just a bit stricter, he will learn that autism”

• “How ridiculous that you let your child sleep during the day. And complain that she doesn’t sleep at night. Are you letting her stay with someone else? You choose parenthood, don’t you?”
• “If you are just a bit stricter, he will learn that autism.”
• “A 3rd? Can you handle that?”
• “What are you going to do now that your youngest is going to school?”
• “How sad that she is an only child.” They don’t know at all what I had to do to get one at all.

“Motherhood is not hard. It’s the way you make it”

• “Can’t I touch your pregnant belly? You’re definitely out of touch.”
• “I had really put her in the hallway for a long time, she just keeps on nagging.”
• “Motherhood is not hard. It is as you make it.”
• “Thirty years ago we didn’t do that kind of nonsense.”
• “You need to be a little more patient.”
• “You shouldn’t keep your child with you all the time when it cries.”

87% of mothers in the Netherlands have to deal with mom shaming, according to research by Kek Mama. The editors found this so shocking that they started a campaign: Kek Mama launches mombracing, the counterpart of momshaming, and calls on all mothers to support each other instead of criticizing from now on.

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