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Sex blunders: ‘I let myself go completely. My neighbor turned out to have heard everything ‘

Wietske (36): “Thursday is worker day. I was still broke from a bottle of wine and a spicy night with my love when I quickly grabbed the clean laundry that morning and threw it on the bed. She could fold it nicely. When I got home that evening, my friend was already cooking in a sparkling clean kitchen. “Was the laundry done too?” I checked. Friend had no idea.

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I walked upstairs and the terror hit my heart. The laundry was neatly stacked on the bed; so far, so good. But in between, certainly not without a sense of styling, was my candy-pink Tarzan – radiant next to the fabric softener-scented children’s shirts. Completely forgot that he had attended the night before and was left in my bed. My friend saw it as a joke too. The following week he put down a note with instructions and a wink smiley for our help: “Good morning! Would you like to change our bed? We cleaned up especially for you. ””


Naomi (41): “I messed around with a colleague. No love, pure lust. I actually didn’t want to receive it at home, but necessity breaks the law. For once. My daughter was allowed to go to school that morning dressed up and had made a lot of work in the bathroom, with make-up and glitter and other junk. Just before my lover arrived, I cleaned up the worst mess and quickly ran a washcloth over my crotch. He rang the doorbell and within ten minutes we were naked on the couch. “Well,” he said, “you were clearly in the mood for a party.” Startled, I looked down: my so carefully trimmed pubic hair was full of glitter. He too, a few minutes later, by the way. ”

Oops …

Bernadette (39): “I knew him through Tinder. Never done before, but I had just gotten divorced, the kids were with their father for a weekend and we had been texting so much all week. My ex was my first love and therefore my only bed partner ever, so I thought I was allowed to go out once in a while. Matthijs and I made an appointment in the city. In real life he turned out to be even more fun than in his chats and with every glass of wine the chemistry between us grew stronger. I care, I thought, I’ll take him.

It was sweet and nice in bed, familiar. He talked a bit a lot during the act, but I found that quite exciting. I decided to reply. “You like that, don’t you, Martin?” I whispered, in my best 0900 voice. Oh shit, I immediately realized, that’s not his name at all. “I mean Martijn,” I gasped quickly. ‘Eh, Matthijs! I know your name is Matthijs! ‘ The brooding atmosphere was killed in one fell swoop, but fortunately not his sense of humor. We are still together, for almost a year. In any case, I can’t just forget his name any more. ”

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TV night

Milou (40): “Man and I have a code word: ‘Evening James’. One text with those words and I am on fire. James is James Deen, an American porn actor with whom my love and I have had many evenings extensively. A smart TV is very handy, except when you do not close things properly.

We were just sleeping in after a wild night, when in the morning we heard our 13 and 11-year-old sons roar: ‘Sooohóó, you are really bad ass!’ Before we knew it, the bedroom door flew open and they were there. Very fraternally suddenly, instead of banging on the floor. Eldest did speak for a while. “You just watch porno!” Denial wasn’t an option, but I did it anyway. ‘Be normal man,’ I tried, ‘we are elderly. You mean yourself, teenager. ‘ He was imperturbable. “Well, thanks, at least I now know where to look!” When a schoolmother came to pick up her son after a play date that afternoon and asked if we too wanted a quiet TV evening, my son jumped in smartly. ‘Not us, we have to go to bed early. You guys can enjoy watching porn, huh, mom? ””


Layla (38): “One is always awake with three small children; I could have known. But after 10 p.m., having sex in the bathroom seemed a relatively safe choice. You just don’t have to grab on to the bar of the shower curtain. We had just gotten underway when the thing came down with a hell of a punch.

Screeching with laughter, but too excited to stop, we happily moved on in the bathtub. The shower curtain draped over the edge, a water ballet from here to Tokyo and a blast with a bruise on my thigh. And then I heard a squeaky voice: “Mommy, the thunder, I hear all thunder!” Our four year old daughter. In the doorway. Hair in disarray, hug under her arm – forever tainted by this pornographic battlefield. The three of us crawled into the big bed. Showered clean and dried, waiting for the storm to end. ”


Erica (38): “My neighbor is a heavy smoker. In the summer, the smoke of her cigarettes from her garden passes through the vent of my bedroom. It doesn’t bother me very much and never thought about whether that could be vice versa. Anyway, the first warm nights arrived. My bedroom window was tilted. The children were out to stay, nothing stood in the way of my friend and me. Delicious.

I let myself go that night, and friend answered that with equal volume. Satisfied, we turned off the bedside lamp when we heard the neighbor coughing right under our bedroom window. “I didn’t disturb you, did I,” she winked when I closed the window wrapped in a sheet. ‘You haven’t noticed anything from you’, I acted Oscar-worthy. ”

This article has previously appeared in Kek Mama.

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