Pauline Wingelaar about the loss of a daughter: ‘I would like to hold her one more time’

That can be seen in the latest episode of Real Gooische Mothers.

Weekend away

During the recording of the episode, it has been four weeks since Belle passed away. She came into the world much too early at the end of September, after almost 22 weeks of pregnancy. Pauline and her friends Bo and Kimberly are in Belgium for a weekend with the children. And that is exactly what Pauline needs at that moment. ‘I sat at home for weeks, alone. I hid. So I’m really looking forward to going out with my friends again,” she says. ‘Just put your mind to zero, enjoy and laugh together in nature. I really need that.’

Again

When the children are in bed at night, the women sit down at the table for an in-depth conversation. Pauline tells candidly about the difficult period after the death of her daughter. “It’s only been four weeks. Weird, is not it?’ she starts. “I wish I could bring that day back. I think all the time now: I would love to push my nose into her neck one more time. Want to smell one more time. Want to hold one more time. But that’s not because if you get one more time, you want another one.’

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Another vision of the future

What Pauline also finds difficult is that her vision of the future has completely changed. ‘First you live for it: pregnant at last. You lie in bed fantasizing: I’m having three children, wow. I’ve been granted it,” she says. ‘I sometimes think: would I have preferred not to have gotten pregnant, that I had been spared that? I do not know either. On the other hand, I got to see her now.’ The Gooische mother likes to talk about Belle with her friends. “On the other hand, I know I’ll have to cry again. It’s just still pretty fresh. And I don’t want to cry about it all the time, I just want to have fun again.’

Counting Blessings

Despite the very sad event, Pauline is grateful for what she has. “You’re going to count your blessings anyway. We have two beautiful children, we are going to live in a beautiful house. Things are going well at work, I have dear friends around me. I find that very special at this time. Let’s toast to that.’

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