Patricia: ‘Women who don’t like motherhood? I get them ‘

“Children are a nuisance,” my mother used to say. With a big smile on her face, probably so as not to make me and my sister feel too guilty.

I now type this column with at least eight children in the living room. No, that is not an exaggeration. And yes. They hinder me enormously. So I am now sending them out to break the rules that have been made (with a maximum of two people on the corona trampoline).

‘Are children really bothering you?’ I wonder …

Actually not that nice at all

Last night when they were finally in bed after another study day, I scrolled through the Reels on Instagram. I lingered with an English mother who said she had to confess something. She confessed that she didn’t really like motherhood at all and often found it disappointing. She was a good mother, she dared to say that, but deep down in her heart it was not what she had in mind. She loved her children ‘to the moon and back’, and there were definitely times when her heart felt genuine love, but again: ‘not really her thing’.

I thought of my own mother when I saw that woman and if I’m being honest, I somehow understood what she meant. Currently I do not have a 9 to 5 job and the children are largely my responsibility. And then I have a man who really works hard in the family and the upbringing.

Also read
‘I am not happy as a mother’ >

But even if I worked 80 hours a week, certain things would still automatically appear on my plate. Such as arranging the babysitter, making birthday invitations, buying new sneakers because the old ones are too small, braiding hair 2 minutes before they have to go to school, checking which family members come on which Christmas days and picking treat ideas from Pinterest.

Don’t get me wrong: this is not a lament, but in my opinion it is how the flag is hanging for me and many other mothers. I envy the mothers who do all of this from their heart and feel it sincerely from their toes. It’s a job for me. And pronouncing it often a taboo.

For all parents …

So this column is for all mothers (and fathers) who don’t like parenting that much. Because they find it difficult or simply because they had different expectations. This column is for all parents with difficult children who therefore carry a portion of self-blame. This column is for all parents with a crying baby, because it will drive you crazy at some point (God, I know the feeling!) This column is for all parents who struggle with the pressure to be a good parent and cannot or do not always want to.

This column is for you & me

Love Patricia

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of 2 lab babies Maria (11) and Phaedra (8). She worked at Qmusic and 100% NL, among others. You can now hear her successful podcast series Let’s Talk About Sex (e) on GoodLIFE Radio. Her husband lives in Switzerland during the week, when she tries to combine kids, work and girls nights as best as possible. In her debut novel ‘De Lab Baby’ she talks about her personal experiences with IVF.

More columns from Patricia? Every Friday there is a new column on KekMama.nl. Read the previous columns here.