Patricia is shocked by the new trend among young people: ‘Should we intervene as parents?’

Okay, so I live in a region where the average taxpayer operates at the ceiling of the highest bracket. Where old money is still new and the Labradoodles and Ridgeback puppies can’t be dragged. I myself grew up in a fishing village right next to this expensive zip code and my husband in the industrial area on the other side.

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After some wanderings at home and abroad, we are miraculously again within a radius of ten kilometers from our roots landed. Not quite in Jort Kelder-land, but the border is visible. And the elite still exist. For example, I was at a party recently (yes, really), where someone said they’d used the word “nice,” but it’s actually a very vulgar word. You understand: I had to hold back my laughter, because I quite liked the whole situation. Or well, ‘witty’, like she call that.


It was a nice Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining and everyone was in a merry mood. Until one of the mothers told about a new trend among young people: pipes. Most people from these parts don’t even get that word out of their lips, but guess what? According to this mother, the young elite seem to engage in oral sex en masse.

Okay, I thought. Good for them. Play it safe.

But the trend this mom is referring to involves a boy putting his hand on the girl’s head to “push” her toward his genitals. Both my mother and my feminist heart have to process this information… Should we parents take action on this? Is the boy’s dominance in this a throw back in time? Or should we trust that our children will be fine? Is the example that we as average parents with average standards and values ​​set sufficient for a life in which you have to discover the rest for yourself? A journey that does not come at the expense of a young soul, but does contribute to an experience to find out what you like and don’t like? Does this include oral sex?

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Mutual agreement

I think that as a parent you can at most give that sex must ALWAYS take place with mutual consent. Never Never Not under duress. So if the girl is already ‘on her way’ to give a blowjob, it seems to me that there is consent. That the boy lays his hand on her head for the pleasure, is an exciting feeling for some, but may not be necessary for others. That is a sexual path that everyone has to walk for themselves.

If the girl has no intention of satisfying the boy orally, this is even a criminal offence. Or is it just tough talk that the mother of the party overheard? I find it hard…

One thing I do know: the most important thing is that we teach our children that sex should be ‘fun’ for both parties. And not one-sided ‘witty’…

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of 2 lab babies Maria (11) and Phaedra (8). She worked at Qmusic and 100% NL, among others. You can now hear her successful podcast series Let’s Talk About Sex(e) on GoodLIFE Radio. Her husband lives in Switzerland during the week, when she tries to combine kids, work and girls nights. In her debut novel ‘De Lab Baby’ she talks about her personal experiences with IVF.

More columns from Patricia? Every Friday there is a new column on Read the previous columns here.

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