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‘My husband wants to grow old together, but live separately. Even now that we have kids’

“The Americans say it so beautifully: he is not the marrying type. I don’t have to arrive at Henk with romantic fantasies about a carriage, Sissi dress and crockery for the trousseau. He doesn’t do that. Henk is a big, tough guy, a real freebooter with his own car breakdown company. He likes to have his own mess around him, he says. He wants to grow old together, but in separate houses. Even now that we have two children.

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The lion’s share of education

Henk did not necessarily have children. He granted me motherhood, but then I had to take on the lion’s share of the education. I thought for a long time about how to approach that. I run my own hair salon and we live an hour apart. In the end, my mother became the solution. After the death of my father she came to live with me in the street and she now helps me with the girls. On working days I take the children to school and the daycare center. Grandma picks them up, folds laundry and makes dinner.

When I get out of work, we eat together, then she goes home and I put the kids to bed. Henk tries to keep Monday free, then I also have my day off. Then we bring Jip to school together and we do something fun with Saar. He goes to his own house around eleven o’clock in the evening and we won’t see him again until Friday evening, when I come to him with the children.

The next day my parents-in-law babysit, because then I have to work and I drive up and down. When I get home at 5:00 on Saturday afternoon, we have a real family for a moment.

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‘I missed his arms around me’

I can now live with it, but in the beginning I found it very uncomfortable. I missed Henk’s arms around me after a hard day at work, was disappointed that we only had sex on Saturday evenings and argued continuously over the app because I thought he was too lax on my messages. Since we call each other every night from eight to nine, things are getting better.

Our situation is so calm, I now realize. Henk is a nocturnal animal, does not go to bed before two and always has friends over. Very nice, but his pace is not sustainable. During the week I therefore enjoy the silence even more. When the girls are in bed and Henk and I have called, I watch TV and go to sleep at ten o’clock.

I just don’t want to think about my mother ever disappearing, because then this house of cards will finally collapse. She is the stable factor in our family, who ensures that the girls get the much needed regularity. ”

This article has previously appeared in Kek Mama.

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