‘My husband thinks I should accept that he is friends with his ex’

For example, there are men who make it clear on the first date that nothing and nobody should come between him and his ex. “I had to make friends with her quickly, he said.”

As soon as I step into the bar where we meet, I am drawn to him. I tuck in my stomach and flipped my hair over my shoulder: this is my chance to make a crushing impression. Wow, it’s that easy. My first date since my divorce, and look what a picture. ‘What are you wearing?’ I texted on the way to town. I didn’t want to think about walking past him. “My farm smock,” he replied casually.

Very close to his ex

That smock turns out to be a lumberjack shirt and after his second sip of the cheap chardonnay my date is immediately clear: there are a few rules. He puts his hand on the table and looks at me intently. “I am very close to my ex,” he says. “It is very important that you do become friends. My kids must love you. If they don’t like you, it ends. And so I am full-time at the hockey club every weekend. You have to like that, because I think it’s important that you are there – in appropriate clothing of course. Can you immediately drink a glass of wine with my ex. Or two of course. ”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry and stammer something about how exes are a far-from-my-bed show for now, and whether we will have a drink first. Less than an hour and a half after our introduction, I ask for the bill, which he makes me pay without complaint. On the sidewalk I get three kisses, the last of which lasts just a little too long. “I really felt a click,” he says. “What are you doing on Saturday? I am sure that my ex will also enjoy seeing you at the hockey club. ”

Explored the market

Zara’s husband has many exes and he is still close friends with all of them. And they just nod happily. “Well, I’m the nicest after all.”

Zara’s husband (37) never made it a secret that he thoroughly explored the market before he married her. “I care, I thought. I am the nicest and with me he has a child. What I had not counted on: Koen is friends with all his exes. With the one more intimately than with the other; he only sees some at birthdays or the tennis club, but his latest ex even has her dogs come to stay.

It is a bit strange. When he turned 40, all his exes were at the party. And his employer nods understandingly at each round of introductions: “Well, and this is a skip-the-line puppy, also an ex.” I looked around and suddenly realized that my husband had shared the bed with every woman present, except for my sisters and his mother. ”

Well, it is a good idea that we will remain good friends should we break up. It’s also nice that Koen has a life like this. ”

‘Nice couple, I thought’

Sometimes that friendship goes very far. When Pip married Moisès, he asked his ex as a witness.

Pip (35) got to know Moisès through his ex. “We were 25 and were in the same surf group. I started talking to her when she was lying in Moisès’ arms. Nice couple, I thought. Until she got to her feet, winked at Moisès, waving a vague wave and saying, “Now if you guys continue chatting, I’ll go surfing.” Moisès immediately made it clear that she was his ex. Within an hour we were kissing.

She turned out to be his best friend. She was the best man at our wedding, she was there when our children were born, and she was there when my mother-in-law passed away. She even went on vacation a few times. She took care of it while Moisès and I went out to dinner, and she and I dived into a town while he stayed with the children. She is not my best friend, but she is very dear.

I understand why they didn’t fit together. She is a free bird, averse to conventions, he likes rules and regularity. I don’t find it threatening that she is single. I know how much Moisès loves me: the proportions are clear.

It often happens that she keeps eating, putting our kids to bed and then hangs around. When I finish at eleven, she and Moisès sometimes chill for hours. ‘Are you never afraid that everything will happen after a few bottles of wine’, friends sometimes ask. No, I am going to sleep peacefully. If I joined them, I would be there the next day like a zombie. That would only threaten my marriage. ”

Deadly boring

Going to a lecture together, Fiona doesn’t want to think about it. “I’m glad he’s doing that with his boring ex.”

“Well, it is not his ex for nothing; if she was more fun than me, they would still be together. ” Fiona (39) is happy that Alain and his ex are close friends. “I just don’t understand what he sees in her, I think she’s deadly boring. They go together to the museum, a lecture, or something else that I don’t see the fun of. I don’t care, he goes to concerts with me and lies in bed with me. Besides, I think such a best friend is healthier than a best friend who he goes to the cafe with every weekend while he flirts with other women. ”

Also read
‘Sometimes it seems like my boyfriend is in a relationship with his mother instead of me’>

It looks like a trio

Maarten’s ex has no life of his own. That is why she goes with his family. Excuse me?

Henriëtte (39) initially thought it was quite touching that her husband Maarten is so close to his ex. “They lived together for ten years, so they share a whole past. But Maarten and I are now married, we have two children and we form a good family. Maarten’s ex does not seem to sense that at all. We go to dinner with his mother on a Sunday, she wants to go. We plan a day at the zoo, Maarten casually mentions that she is also joining. When I get fed up with that, he says: “Oh, let her enjoy it, she has no one.” Sometimes I have the feeling that we are a trio. ”

‘She still has the key’

You are on the couch making love with your husband, you suddenly hear the front door and his ex rumbles into your living room. “I thought I was going crazy.”

Best friends with his ex: you will only have a man like that. Jolanda (36) knows all about it. Her boyfriend Paul seems to have grown up with the woman with whom he had three children. “We live with my daughter and his children in the house they once bought together. She still has the key – and is using it. To pick up something from a child. Suddenly her figure skating must have. Park their children’s bicycles in our shed. Or fill the fridge before we return from vacation.

It’s as if she still considers it her home. What I understand best if you’ve lived there for years, but come on: my furniture is there and Paul and I have been living together for four years. She has a new home with her new husband. It seems as if she doesn’t take my presence in her ex’s life for granted, as if she thinks she has more rights.

Nonsense, says Paul. He divorced her and she remarried, so I have no reason to fear anything. I have to accept that as the mother of their children, she will always play an important role in his life, especially since they are still close friends – ever since he forgave her for leaving him for that new man. Of course I want to accept that, but how indiscreet she is in our lives is downright irritating.

Breaking in unannounced

When she came in unannounced while we lay half undressed on the couch, it was enough for me. “Oh,” she said, “were you busy? I’ll be gone in a minute ”- and stormed upstairs. Furious, I ran off the couch – my bra dangling behind me. “How would you like it if my ex came in here all the time?” I yelled at Paul. “What if you come out of the bathroom naked and he would stand in front of you?”

After we fashioned ourselves a bit and his ex came down again, Paul explained to her that it couldn’t go on like this. She has not handed in her key, but promised to use it only if we first give explicit permission. Fine. She lives around the corner, it is as practical for everyone as she can enter when we are not there. Even if only to fill the fridge when we return from vacation. ”

This article has previously appeared in Kek Mama.

More Kek Mama? Subscribe now to the # 1 glossy for moms.