‘It drives me crazy when my mother-in-law comes’ just ‘for a visit every day’

Luuk (29): “We were thrilled with my mother-in-law’s help when Anouk came home with our daughter Jasmijn two years ago with a painful caesarean wound. I especially. Anouk was stunned, had been sent home after barely three days and could not climb stairs. I had to make a bottle schedule and take care of the entire care, because the maternity assistant was only there for three hours.

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My mother-in-law Jannie immediately jumped in. She took up residence on a mattress in the nursery, while Jasmine lay with us in a co-sleeper. Ideal. Mother-in-law made bottles, did the bathing and changing ritual and we could fully enjoy the pink maternity cloud.

Can’t be knocked away anymore

So much for our success story. Jasmijn is now more than two years old and my mother-in-law can no longer be left out of our family. Jannie takes the credo ‘I want to see my grandchild grow up’ very literally. Fortunately she sleeps at home, but I am not exaggerating when I say that she pops in every day. And you can take that ‘even’.

Anouk works from home and is therefore always at home. Jannie drinks coffee here in the morning, goes shopping, goes for a walk and to the playground. When I come out of work, Jannie is stretched out on the floor puzzling with Jasmijn. Even on my daddy day she always comes ‘just’ for tea in the afternoon. During the weekend she goes out with my father-in-law Peet, but even then we shouldn’t be surprised if we suddenly hear ‘yoohoo’ on a Sunday morning and they are in the garden. They were cycling and happened to be in the neighborhood.

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I think Anouk thinks it’s all fine. She’s not complaining about it. Even when I hint that I think it is very much a mother-in-law, she says it should be too; you should find your mother-in-law annoying. But that’s not true. I don’t hate my in-laws. Jannie is an only person, only predominantly present. I want that a few teeth less. As before.

Before we had Jasmijn I saw Jannie and Peet at most once a quarter. Anouk and I traveled a lot, went out to dinner and to dance parties. Our lives were hectic and we saw little family at all. Only on birthdays and holidays and occasionally visiting in between. Fine. But now that Jannie is a grandmother, she has given herself a kind of license to visit often. She is quite easy at that. She never asks if it suits us, she just says: “Grandma will be back tomorrow!” Anouk laughs about it, but it irritates me immensely.


On my daddy day I have been cycling for an hour in the afternoons very falsely lately. Or to the pool. In any case, I plan as many outdoor activities as possible when I expect Jannie. I think she realizes that. In the beginning she said surprised that she had come by but that she missed us. Now she just leaves a note or texts Anouk that we weren’t there again. Maybe weak, but I avoid confrontation. I don’t feel like hassle. I find an angry mother-in-law and wife even worse than a mother-in-law present. ”

This article is in Kek Mama 14-2020.

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