Miranda (29) is married to Dave (34) and the mother of Bowie for five months.
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“‘Shh, the baby is sleeping.’ If my husband says it one more time, I’m going to scream. Bowie is now five months old and has been sleeping in our bedroom since birth. Very handy with breastfeeding, and for us it feels more natural that he lies in his crib next to me, instead of in his own room. For now we want to keep it that way until he is a year old.
There is one downside to co-sleeping: my husband hardly dares to make love to me anymore. He is afraid that Bowie will get some of it, and thinks it is a bit perverse. Come on, I say, that’s how he got there, right? At the most, he picks up the positive energy, and a lot of love is only good for babies – even if it is love between mom and dad.
Of course we lie on Dave’s side of the bed when we have sex. We do not make a noisy spectacle; we will take Bowie into account. When we know he’s still awake, we don’t do anything. In addition: we don’t have sex that often. It wasn’t until three months or so after giving birth that I felt a little healed, and breastfeeding didn’t make my libido what it used to be. The broken nights don’t help; nine days out of ten we have no energy for sex at all. So that once in a while that it does happen, I would like to enjoy it.
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When I recently asked a friend how she and her husband did that, making love while the baby is still sleeping in your room, she looked at me in shock. “Do you do that?” She asked. Only to deny that she and her husband had ever touched each other with one finger while their daughter was lying with them. At most, they did a quickie in the bathroom every now and then, she said.
I miss the intimacy with Dave. Of course we are also fine on the couch, but I find that much less comfortable than our king-size bed. And the idea that there are the last tufts of maternity visitors the next day, I also find a bit perverse. Dave calms my frustration with, “Will come again, honey; in a few months he’ll be sleeping in his own room. ‘ And that is of course the case. In the meantime, I just can’t get that little voice out of my head: is it so strange that I want to make love to my husband while our baby is in our room? ”
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