‘I will constantly tell their stories’
Image: Unsplash / Private image by: Linda Wit
Steffi de Pous (38) has a relationship with Adil and is mother of Ceas (4), Umi (3) and the newborn Omar.
In 2016, Steffi and a friend set up Because We Carry, a foundation with which she helps refugees on Lesbos, often in a practical way. For example, with the help of volunteers she collected slings, buggies and sleeping bags and she assists families in the camp.
mothers for mothers
“Only women work at Because we Carry. At first I was a bit ashamed of it; I don’t want to exclude anyone. But this way it works very well for me. With women there is instant understanding. If I say to a colleague: if you can imagine what it is like to do 46 hours with one diaper, she understands immediately. Because mothers know that all children are the same, their needs are universal.
All the mothers I spoke to on the island of Lesbos have fled for the future of their children. Because they don’t want the same thing that happened to their son or daughter. They want their child to be safe, that they can go to school. So logical; I don’t even need to hear what they’ve been through.
You can read more stories from mothers about everything that has to do with mombracing here.
Because We Carry
Six years ago I set up Because We Carry. It was not the intention at all to make a real foundation out of it. I started helping people, others helped, more and more, and suddenly I had to arrange paperwork with a notary.
In recent years I have taken on a more guiding role and I am less active on the island itself. I’m six years older and three kids richer – I’m just a little less flexible. And luckily I see women within the foundation to whom I can transfer a lot, who are doing even better than I am. But I do look jealous at the girls on the floor. You do the best work there is, I sometimes tell them.
Also read: Should you talk to a child about war? This is what you think >
Time for myself
Motherhood has not made work any easier for me. I cry much faster anyway. And it sometimes limits me, but at the same time it has also saved me. I can go on for 24 hours, for seven days, nothing to worry about. But now that I’m a mother, I know I have to take care of myself too. Don’t always want to give away that last crumb. I really had to learn that.
“Now that I’m a mother, I know I have to take care of myself too”
When Umi was seven weeks old, she already went to Lesvos. I don’t pump and therefore drove home for the feeds from camp. I sat there with my child, a shot of oxytocin, while I was still in the hectic moments before. Those were the most confusing moments of my life. It’s like going from fifth gear to neutral, overlooking a green lawn. madness. I soon learned: if I take more time for myself, my children will benefit more. I do what i can. And that remains difficult; I also want to be with my children. Time goes by so fast. Especially if you have a mission.
New insights
One of my goals is to make the world a little more pleasant and enjoyable. This requires more awareness and that starts with knowledge about someone else. I want to contribute to that. Give me 24 hours with someone who is anti-refugee and I’m sure he will come to a different understanding. I understand that not everyone can come here, I don’t live in a fairytale world. But we must recognize that refugees are not different people; they are just like my neighbors here in amsterdam. I will not preach, but I will constantly tell stories about the people I have met. Because they can’t do it themselves.”
This article is featured in the Kek Mama Mombracing Special 2022.
77% of mothers in the Netherlands have to deal with mom shaming, according to research by Kek Mama. The editors found this so shocking that they started a campaign: Kek Mama is launching mombracing, the counterpart to momshaming, and calls on all mothers to support each other instead of criticizing each other.
