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‘I am married but have no love affair with my husband’

“Our marriage was imposed on us by our families. They paid for our house and expected us to have children. Refusing the wedding would be disgraceful and a break with our families. I’ve known Amin since childhood and we always got along.

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Why don’t we just play the game? I thought one day. I really wanted children, but I didn’t have a partner. Amin also had a desire to have children, plus the hot breath of his family on his neck about the never-ending marriage. If we got married, we would at least have a house, the possibility of children and each other. There are marriages based on less, we judged. Who knows, we still fell in love. ”

Platonic friendship

That also happened for a moment. Shortly after the wedding, Sannah became pregnant, after a deliberate lovemaking. “We were in the throes of the party, had fantastic days and came to our honeymoon. In that other environment, away from it all, it all seemed so logical, he and I. But after only four months, we concluded that everything we shared was based on a deep but platonic friendship. There was just no physical attraction: Amin feels like my brother and best friend.

We agreed to release each other to date others, but none of us felt the need during my pregnancy. We were both so looking forward to the arrival of our son. After his birth, it felt like a real family for a moment. And we are, but in a modern way.

For some time now, Amin has had a Dutch friend who accepts that his family should never know about her and that he will not leave his house with me any time soon. She will come to our house, but will not sleep over. At first I felt terribly jealous. Rejected too – while that was of course not at all right. But when I noticed that nothing changed between us, I slowly got used to the situation.

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Co-parenting under one roof

Our son is almost three now. I date too, on and on, but nothing solid has come out yet. I don’t know how to do that. Whichever way you look at it, Amin and I run a family together. We’re not a couple, so it’s basically co-parenting under one roof. But because we are so close, it doesn’t quite feel that way. We sleep in separate rooms, but in the evening I lie against him on the couch. I don’t know how you rhyme with a love affair outside the door. Maybe platonic marriage is just enough for me. Who wouldn’t want to live with her best friend, who is also the best father to your child? ”

This article has previously appeared in Kek Mama.

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