“He can’t choose between the Hulk and a unicorn”
Image: Kyra, HashtagK
I notice that I find it difficult that I have more prejudices in me than I thought. Since I became a mother, they are more and more noticeable and I also spot them in others.
One time I say something about it, the other time I let it go. Not because I don’t want to do anything with it, but mainly because it overwhelms me so much that I don’t know what to do with it at that moment.
The Incredibles and Frozen
What I have trouble with are people who work a lot with children and then put them in a box. I have a son and that brings with it a lot of dinos, Lego, cars, superheroes and tools. He chooses that himself, we have always been free to make choices. He chose his new room himself and that ranges from airplanes to Pokémon and a homemade dream catcher. On Disney + he watches both The Incredibles and Frozen and he finds it really difficult to choose between the Hulk and a unicorn. Apparently the outside world finds that strange.
The doctor flipped right past an Elsa and My Little Pony record because it’s “really for girls.”
At the consultation office, Nox was allowed to choose a coloring page. The doctor immediately flipped past a picture of Elsa and a unicorn from My Little Pony, because it’s “really for girls.” Another example: the toy in the children’s menu. Nox and I picked up our order, and the girl behind the counter said, ‘I didn’t see you were with a boy, I’ll get something else’. It turned out that there was a regular plane for boys and a unicorn variant for girls. This time I didn’t let myself be taken by surprise and let Nox make the choice himself. He chose the unicorn and the cashier girl was slightly surprised. Well, children can choose for themselves and they don’t always choose what you expect.
Read also: “Deep in my heart, if I’m being honest, I would have loved to have a daughter”
Son loves tuts
Let’s make sure that our child can be himself, whatever choice he or she makes. That’s something I had to teach myself. My son is crazy about talking in the bathroom. He prefers to crawl into me when I do my make-up. At one point Nox asked if he could do that too. At first I resisted this, I didn’t think it was for boys. What would everyone think about that? Until I took another good look at him as he stood next to me.
“That’s exactly what I want for my son: a beautiful, carefree childhood in which he can develop as he really is.”
Nox then did exactly the same thing he does when Charles is doing odd jobs: he imitates us. He wants to be just like us. That is also what he confirmed himself when I asked him. So he got an unused makeup brush from me. A brush without make-up, but with which he could imitate me. My son has his own lip balm and when we went to Comic Con he wore gold stars on his face. Our Nox thought he was beautiful, was intensely satisfied and it also matched his Spider-Man outfit perfectly.
I believe that none of the above has anything to do with gender. It is an interest of children that can coexist well with other interests. That is exactly what I want for my son: a beautiful, carefree childhood in which he can develop as he really is.
Lilian Finn (31) is an author, speaker and designer. She is married to Charles and mother of son Nox (4). You can read more columns by Lilian at LilianFinn.nl.
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