‘During the holidays I started to doubt whether I wanted a second child’
Image: Mark Groeneveld
Malu Pesulima lives with Romano and is mother to Mack and Mosi.
“Can you please take those turns a little more slowly?” With my head bent over in a plastic bag from the local supermercado, I try to make sure the rental car remains free of vomit stains. Romano searches for a quieter route via navigation, but in vain: they don’t know ‘immer geradeaus’ with all those winding roads on Mallorca and the asphalt is also provided with nasty craters every few meters.
Vacation
It seemed like such a fantastic plan: one more vacation with the three of us during my pregnancy. A week of sun, sea, beach and relaxation before the broken nights give us gray hair again. Mack who can enjoy all the attention for a while and we enjoy the convenience that one child brings.
I hadn’t taken into account that those damn hormones would make fun of me and seem to ruin the entire holiday. Not surprising, because Mack’s pregnancy I had passed through (apart from a single splurge) whistling. This time it was different. Heavier, especially mentally.
A second child
During the holidays, I began to doubt whether I really wanted a second child – a thought that left me with an intense sense of shame. After all, having a little brother or sister for Mack was always our dream, but now that it got closer, I got anxious. Can I do it, divide my attention? Do I want to give up freedom now that Mack is out of diapers? And one child is also fine, right? These fickle emotions in combination with sprints to the toilet to get rid of that nausea, did not exactly make the holiday more enjoyable.
“Having a brother or sister for Mack has always been our dream, but as it got closer, I got anxious”
“It’ll be okay,” was Romano’s mantra when I had the umpteenth time having a half-nervous breakdown. “I know it’s not you saying this, your hormones are taking over.” Nonsense, I thought at the time. I saw myself as a bad mother and had never felt so down before.
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It’ll be fine
The first few days I was on survival mode, but after we drove into Palma on day five and I burst into hysterical tears when I saw the cathedral La Seu because I felt really happy with my pregnancy for the first time, I realized: Romano is right , it’ll be fine. Because now that we are a few months further – and I am no longer overwhelmed by the hormones of the first weeks – I can’t wait for our second son. Bring on those broken nights.
Meanwhile, Malu has given birth to a perfectly healthy son: Mosi.
This article is featured in the Kek Mama Summer Special of 2022.
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