Does your child not like going to the toilet? You can do this according to an expert

We called child and youth psychologist Suzanne Smedts.

Your child does not want to go to the toilet: what is the cause?

From the age of two, children feel the urge to defecate or pee, but they do not always want to go to the toilet for that. Even if they are (almost) toilet trained, they sometimes prefer to do their business in a diaper. And that can have all kinds of reasons: a child is afraid of falling in the toilet, does not want to flush his turd away or has experienced something traumatic. ‘There is not always fear,’ says Suzanne Smedts. ‘Sometimes children just don’t feel like it or are not stimulated enough by their parents. If a child is always in his diaper, it is quite logical that he or she does not go to the toilet. First, see what you can do as a parent to solve the problem. If that has insufficient effect, you can call in professional help to find out the cause.’ The fact that a child does not like to go to the toilet can cause problems. They do not learn to go to the toilet independently and as a result they hold up their message for too long or they pee more often in their pants or diapers. ‘It can also have an impact on their self-image because, compared to their peers, they notice that they cannot go to the toilet independently,’ says Smedts.

When do you ring the bell?

When exactly children are potty trained is vastly different. On average, children are toilet trained between two and three (during the day). Suppose your child has trouble using the toilet: when do you, as a parent, ring the bell? ‘In general, children should be toilet trained when they go to primary school. If your child still wears a diaper during the day and you see no improvement during the kindergarten period, it is wise to ask for help from a general practitioner, child psychologist or a Parent and Child Center’, says Smedts. But don’t start potty training too early either. “Don’t put too much pressure on it. ‘Forcing’ a two-year-old to be potty trained can cause other problems. That way you make something very big out of it, so that your child can push himself off. A child decides when to go to the toilet, you cannot force that. Therefore, give your child a sense of control and sufficient space to learn on their own. Children simply develop at a different pace.’

Read also
‘Why you should never force a child to potty train’ >

What can you as a parent do if your child does not go to the toilet?

Forcing a child to go to the toilet can therefore have the opposite effect. But you can encourage a child who doesn’t like going to the bathroom to try. How do you do that? Encourage and compliment all your child’s behavior towards the toilet. Even if it comes to looking at when you sit on the toilet or only sit on the toilet in pants or diaper’, according to the child and youth psychologist. Because the smallest room is usually not the coziest place in the house, you can make it a bit more fun and interesting for your child. ‘Buy a cheerful toilet seat, hang something nice on the wall, read a story together in the toilet.’ In short: make it light, because peeing and pooping is the most normal thing in the world. That is why, according to Smedts, it is also important to talk about it neutrally. ‘Don’t ridicule your child in front of others, but don’t make it a secret either. Explain that your child is still practicing. Always stay positive with your child. Reacting angry and sad or punishing because your child doesn’t want to go to the toilet is never good.’ Finally, it helps to let your child go to the toilet at set times, for example after dinner or immediately when they get out of bed. A routine allows the body to better prepare for what’s to come.

Make it even more fun with a cheerful toilet roll

If you really want to unpack on the toilet, then the limited edition Pim & Pom toilet rolls from The Good Roll are a nice purchase. These reels – with cheerful illustrations by Fiep Westendorp – turn a tedious activity into something fun. Melle Schellekens, founder of The Good Roll: ‘I have two daughters who both found the toilet very exciting. Together with my wife I then started to delve into toilet shame, which is quite common among young children. Later we thought: how cool would it be if we could do something about it? The Pim & Pim rolls make going to the toilet a lot more fun and normal. And if you scan the QR code on the roll, you can read a children’s story.’ With the toilet rolls you not only make your child happy, but also a lot of others. Part of the proceeds go to the construction of toilets in Africa, because a third of the world’s population does not have a (safe or clean) toilet. A portion will also go to the Fiep Westendorp Foundation, which makes art more accessible. The Pim & Pom rolls are now for sale at Jumbo.

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