“Do I miss too many of my kids if I take one day a week for myself?”

Dunde (30), mother of Elif (3) and Ayla (1): “As much as I love my children, being a single mother is really disappointing. Doing it on my own was not my choice, the father of my children left when I was six months pregnant with Ayla. Since then he has seen the children twice.

Safety net

I have a fantastic safety net. My mother is ready to help every day, my sisters adore my children, and I have friends who are happy to take them off my hands every now and then. That’s wealth, but most of the time I’m on my own anyway. When they take turns waking up at night. One is sick and the other is cross. When washing, cooking and tidying up. I take a shower every day, but together with them, I don’t know how else I can get it planned for myself.

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A day for myself

I work four days a week. My children go to daycare for two days, the other two my mother comes to our house. There are many mothers with a partner who are having a harder time. Yet in the meantime I walk on my gums. When I wake up in the morning, I already feel stressed out of the laundry list of things I have to arrange. Even running errands brings me to tears at this point. My mom has suggested taking a third day for her so I can take a day for myself for a while. And as tempting as that sounds, I can’t get it over my heart. I’ve been away from home four days a week, so they would have to miss me for a fifth day.

Only once small

“Happy mother, happy children,” say my friends. They think it’s crazy that I don’t just accept my mother’s offer. Of course I know it is better for them to have a relaxed than a stressed out mother; in an emergency use the oxygen mask for yourself first. But they are only small once, don’t I miss too many of their lives if I take a day a week for myself to refuel? ”

More episodes of the dilemma? Every Tuesday there is a new story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous dilemmas here.