‘All the tinkering with my appearance leaves us little money for family activities’

Rosa (now 43), civil servant, married to Timo (36) and Suze’s mother (4).

“I am a late bloomer in everything: study, job, husband, child. I only knew what I wanted to become after about six half-finished studies. I got into my first serious relationship when I was 34, with my current husband, and was 38 when I stopped taking the pill. Earlier I hadn’t even thought about children.

My pace differs from that of my peers, with whom I have little in common. My husband, girlfriends, schoolyard mothers: they are all younger. I am in a completely different phase of life than the average person in my 40s, I feel in my mid-twenties. Only: my appearance does not contribute to that. Not automatically, at least. I am sporty and slim, wear the latest fashion, but my body shows that it is all a bit less tight. Just a little more lines and age flaws. Fortunately, we live in a time when, provided you have money, you don’t have to live with it. And so I look for resources that help fight the so-called test of time.

The whole trade

It all started six years ago with a shot of botox in my frown line through a Groupon offer. Back then it was still a niche. For 200 euros I could have that nasty crack that has bothered me all my life sprayed away. I thought that was a medical rather than a beauty problem. After all, so often I was asked if I was angry sometimes.

But yes, just like with tattoos, botox is very addictive. The frown had disappeared, but there was a deep line in my forehead that was more noticeable now. And then I had smile lines on my mouth and pretty thin lips. I was already at the plastic surgeon anyway, so it was better to have the whole trade taken care of. So: spray on lips and fill in wrinkles. I did get a discount, but in the end the whole joke cost me 900 euros. I didn’t have a child yet, so that money didn’t hurt. But yes, three months later I had to repeat the botox ‘for the good’. It was a kind of maintenance syringe, my doctor thought. So I hung up again for a few hundred euros.

Teeth

Now that my lips were so beautiful, I still didn’t dare to smile broadly. I had a gap between my front teeth and a bit of an overbite. As a young girl, the dentist had suggested that I needed a brace, but my mother thought that was nonsense. Our whole family had such a gap, that was part of us. I totally disagree with her. If my daughter ever needs braces, I will not hesitate for a second. Beautiful teeth are the first step to more self-confidence and that’s why priceless.

Coincidentally, I had just switched to a dentist who was also an orthodontist. I inquired with him about the possibilities of correcting teeth later in life and he recommended transparent clasps that were almost invisible and perfect for adult braces wearers. He expected me to enjoy it for about a year and a half and promised me a modeling smile. I had just given birth to Suze and I was quite insecure about my body. A boost in the form of a model look seemed great to me.

The price of that bracket was a lot less pleasant: more than 2500 euros. I had to pay for it out of pocket because my insurance did not cover anything. After all, there was no medical necessity. At that point, all I thought about was the result. Without discussing it with Timo, I said yes and came home the same day with locks on my teeth. A huge shock for Timo. Not only in terms of physical change – it kisses differently, but also because of the cost. He grumbled, grumbled and grumbled, but eventually understood that I really wanted this. For years he tried to make me laugh in pictures. Without success, I was so ashamed of my teeth.

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Substantial spending pattern

In itself, we have nothing to complain about financially. I am a civil servant, I work 32 hours a week and earn 2,470 euros a month. Timo works in IT and raises 3000 euros. If you add that together, that is quite a lot of money – especially if you include child benefit. But over the years we have also built up a spending pattern to match: a mortgage of 1000 euros, fixed costs of another 1000 euros per month, both a lease car, after-school care, Netflix, Fox and gym subscriptions and a household budget of 600 euro. We also save for our old age, we invest and we like to go on holiday in luxury.

At the end of the month we often break even or are in the red, like now. To be honest, that’s my fault, because I had something decorated again last week. After I had the promised movie star teeth, I didn’t think my teeth were beautiful enough, because they were too yellow. My dentist knew a solution for that: bleaching. There was also a price tag of 500 euros. If I wanted to pay immediately, he asked.

This divine body comes at a cost

I am overjoyed with my smile, but we are red. When Timo gets angry, I usually say, freely to Dolly Parton, “Honey, it takes a lot of money to maintain this divine body.” He lets me do it because he knows I have been insecure about my appearance since I was in my 40s. And also because we save seven years in age. I’m afraid of deterioration. By letting it go in as late as possible by means of some injections, I hope to be able to enjoy it for some more years. In any case, I get a lot of compliments. Not even from Timo. He likes me the way I am. It may all be a little less from him. He would rather see the money spent on family activities.

Because of all the embellishments to my appearance, we have little left for extras. We have been wanting to spend a weekend at an Efteling hotel with Suze for a long time. But yes: for the same money I just had my teeth whitened. There is another Botox MOT on the schedule for next month, nowadays I also have my forehead pulled tight. So Efteling has to wait. I don’t feel guilty about that. Suze is not short of anything and is much more useful to a happy mother than to a gloomy mother – if only because I can no longer look angry.

To make matters worse by the way: I have been dreaming of a breast augmentation for a long time. I want nothing more than to convert my weak C-cup to a full D. I just haven’t said that to Timo yet. First do a few family activities – then I can always carefully present it to him afterwards. ”

This article can be found in Kek Mama 08-2020.

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