“My child proclaims everywhere that we are poor, so I feel strict and tight-fisted”
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Nothing in life is black or white, and parenting always brings dilemmas. Even if the choice seems so clear at times.
Rabia (36) is married to Roberto (41) and mother of Lucia (10).
“Maybe I am too open with our daughter about finances. But when I see how children of some friends unceremoniously order the most expensive thing on the menu, without taking a bite of it, I am glad that we show Lucia the value of money and, above all, politeness.
So she knows that her father doesn’t earn very much as a postman, and that I work just as hard as a self-employed person in care to make ends meet with my barely higher salary. Life is expensive, but much is luxury. I think it’s important that our daughter learns that love and the space to be yourself are basic values in life, and that designer clothes, expensive holidays and big cars are just frills.
Full of opulence
The tricky thing: very different morals prevail at school. There, classmates trump each other with their holiday destinations this summer – Ibiza, Curaçao, Mauritius even – and appear daily in new summer clothing. While we fire up the barbecue to grill vegetables and a freezer fish, they post snapchats on the terraces where their parents pull up the umpteenth bottle of wine and a bowl of oysters.
All fine, live and let live is my creed. Were it not that Lucia seems to proclaim that we are poor. That is anything but the case, we earn average. So I explained that to her. As is the suspicion that many of her friends may be posting those snaps because it’s special for them too, such a lavish Sunday afternoon – or at least that they derive status from it.
Frugal upbringing
Meanwhile, this is rooting in my conscience. Are we too strict and stingy in our upbringing? Roberto and I think not. We believe that the world should revolve less around appearances. Because where we are perfectly happy, manage just fine financially and find the greatest fun in simple outings such as sailing out with the inflatable boat and setting fire in the fire pit, the families behind those posts may be bent over with worries. Somehow I am ashamed of the image our daughter creates to the outside world, but I think we are giving her the right message for her future. She will thank us later.”
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