66% of mothers are dissatisfied with the division of labor at home
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With still more women working part-time than men in heterosexual relationships, the question arises: are care and household tasks in Dutch families now divided fifty-fifty? The answer: no.
In the past fifty years, things have certainly changed in terms of the division of tasks within the family. Yet less than half of our readers are satisfied with it, according to the Kek Mama’s role distribution survey.
Half of the Kek Mama readers* share the care of a sick child fifty-fifty with their partner
Striking: in ‘traditional’ families, partners stay home just as often for a sick child in half of the cases. In half of the cases, partners also account for educational conversations and broken nights, usually fifty-fifty.
Jump in
This is logically different in single and blended families, either because there simply is no other parent available, or because it concerns your ‘own’ child and not that of your new partner.
Furthermore, there are a striking number of grandparents available to help when the need arises. Not everyone has that luxury. This is how a single mother (32) responds: “I am lived by my children. It would be so nice to have a mother or sweet grandmother to help out every now and then. I really miss that.”
Satisfaction
Well, that’s the division of labor. Within ‘traditional’ families, only 66% are satisfied with this, often because respondents feel that they should do more than their partners. More than a quarter also argue about it.
“My partner can think along a bit more and take over tasks when busy,” responds a reader (33), “we sometimes quarrel about that.” She is not alone in her accusations. Others also often quarrel with their partner because they want him to show more interest in the school life of the children, he works too much overtime or spends too little time with the family.
66% of mothers* are dissatisfied with the division of labor at home and 27% argue with their partner
This is somewhat more harmonious in blended families. Because there too, more than half of the parents are dissatisfied with the division of tasks, but just under 22% of the couples quarrel about it.
“I would like my new partner to spend more time with his own child,” says one reader (36). “And that we make more time for each other,” responds another (33). For a few, quarrels are about very practical matters. “If only he helped with the dishes more often”, sighs one respondent (33).
Read also – Ellen about division of labor: ‘If there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s for my boys to have the stereotypical 1950s image in mind’ >
Own initiative
Divorced parents with co-parenting are obviously a separate category because both parents are responsible for a number of core tasks on their own half of the time, but still about half think that the other parent should be allowed to do a little more in caring for the child. children and the household.
Half of the divorced mothers think that her co-parent should contribute more to the care of the children
For example, a reader (36) says: “My co-parent is not a bad father, but he is less concerned with children’s peripheral matters such as cutting nails, visiting the dentist and children’s parties. If I ask him to do something, he does it, but often not on his own initiative.”
35% say their partner only does chores when she asks
Many single mothers see themselves as the basis for their children and often have exes who no longer look after the children at all, let alone their care tasks. “I am a deliberate single mother against will and thanks,” says someone (44).
Laziness
No less than almost 67% of household chores are therefore done by Kek Mama readers, mainly women. This mainly concerns shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, arranging finances, making social agreements, informal care and booking holidays. Many of them crave some initiative from their partner in that area. But they are still mainly concerned with jobs such as taking out the garbage, car and garden maintenance. Only the care for pets is fairly distributed everywhere.
Kek Mama readers perform 67% of all household chores
“My husband doesn’t clean up the children’s mess,” says one of the readers (42). “He thinks they should learn that themselves, but in practice it comes down to me cleaning up the mess in the end.” Another (34) complains that her husband does vacuum, but only then dusts. “But yes, I also find it more messy in the house than my partner”, admits another reader (38).
Only pet care is split 50/50 everywhere
Most women complain about their partners being lax, procrastinating, working slowly, and all of this only after they had to ask their partner to do those tasks in the first place. “It seems as if he takes it for granted that I do everything,” says someone (29).
Pull out of hands
Incidentally, partners of the Kek Mama readers are just as annoyed by their other halves. Because they keep insisting on tasks. being impatient. Everything has to be done their way. That they don’t see what he’s doing and take matters out of their hands too quickly – especially when it comes to the children.
“And I’m bad at throwing things away, so we have way too much junk in our house”, a reader (42) puts his hand in his own bosom. One reader also sees sex as a task, and confesses that her partner thinks that it is far too little of it, thanks to her.
More results and experiences of fellow parents can be found in Kek Mama 06-2023, in stores from 30 May.
* When using the word ‘respondent’, we often refer to ‘her’ because the vast majority of Kek Mama respondents are women. Answers come from respondents within ‘traditional’ families
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